#all the time and i hate this so much and i hate being a burden to the person i love
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FOR YOU, ALWAYS | CL16
an: this was a request! i loved wiritng it and now i love the idea of historical romance prince!charles, thank you for requesting it đ also i listened to experience by ludovico einaudi the entire time i wrote this
summary: charles has always hated his life, he thinks, he doesnât know really. but then he meets someone, she challenges him, she makes him try and all of a sudden he knows what he wants.
wc: 12k
The grand dining hall of the ChĂąteau de Monte Carlo was bathed in the soft glow of the morning sun filtering through its ornate windows. Prince Charles of Monaco sat at the long mahogany table, his jaw tight as his parents, the Sovereign Prince and Princess, laid out their expectations with the weight of unshakable certainty.
"You must understand, Charles," his mother said, her voice poised yet firm, "a union with Princess Evelyn of England is not merely desirableâit is necessary. The alliance could strengthen our position in ways you cannot yet fully grasp."
His father leaned forward, his imposing figure casting a shadow over the table. "This is not a matter of choice. You are the crown prince. Your duty outweighs any personal hesitation."
Charlesâs fingers tightened around the stem of his untouched glass. âAnd what of my life? Am I to simply be a pawn in your political games?â His voice was calm, but a sharp edge lay beneath the surface.
His motherâs gaze softened slightly, though not enough to dissuade her resolve. âYou are the oldest, my son. The weight of the crown has always been yours to bear. This... is part of that burden.â
He didnât argue further, though every fibre of his being resisted. Instead, he rose, offering a clipped bow. âIf youâll excuse me.â
Moments later, Charles pushed open the heavy doors to his private chambers, stepping into the quiet sanctuary of his room. His temples throbbed with the remnants of the conversation, and he felt the weight of his parentsâ expectations settling heavier than the crown he would one day wear.
Inside, the faint rustle of fabric caught his attention. The servant girlâher name unknown to him, as it was meant to beâwas smoothing the fresh sheets over his bed. She froze upon seeing him, her hands faltering mid-motion.
âYour Highness,â she said quickly, dipping into a small, practised curtsey. âI didnât realise you were returning so soon. Shall I leave and return later?â
He waved a hand absently, stepping toward the settee by the window. âNo. Stay. Finish your work.â
She hesitated, her eyes flickering to his face, then back to the task at hand. He sank into the settee, his head tilting back against the carved wood as he let out a heavy sigh.
âDo you ever wonder,â he began, his voice soft yet tinged with frustration, âwhy some of us are given so much freedom, yet chained in ways that others cannot see?â
She paused, her hands gripping the edges of the linen she had just tucked in, unsure if the question was meant for her.
When she did not answer, he looked at herâtruly looked at herâfor the first time in a long while. Her expression was guarded, her posture poised, as though expecting reproach. âYou can speak freely,â he said, a rare hint of gentleness colouring his tone.
Her lips parted slightly, then closed again before she carefully responded, âI think, Your Highness, that even those with freedom often long for something else.â
He smiled faintly, though there was no humour in it. âSomething else,â he echoed, the words hanging between them like a challenge to a fate he could not escape.
She quickly turned her attention back to the task at hand, smoothing the sheets in swift, precise movements, as if afraid that lingering would invite trouble. Charles, however, was not done with the conversation.
âAnd what would you long for?â he asked, his voice quieter now but laced with curiosity. âIf you could have⊠anything?â
Her hands stilled, though she didnât lift her gaze. âIt doesnât matter, Your Highness. People like me donât waste time with such thoughts.â
âThatâs not what I asked.â
The firmness in his tone made her look up briefly, her eyes meeting his for the first time. They were dark, unyielding, yet not unkind. She hesitated, as though weighing the consequences of speaking too openly.
Finally, she murmured, âI suppose⊠Iâd long for choice. To decide my own path, no matter how humble.â
Charles leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he regarded her with an intensity that made her shift slightly under his gaze. âChoice,â he repeated, almost to himself. âThe one thing Iâve never had.â
She blinked at his words, her brow furrowing in confusion. He noticed the look and gave a soft, bitter laugh.
âYou think I have everything, donât you?â he asked, gesturing vaguely at the opulence surrounding them. âAll this, and yet Iâm to marry a woman Iâve never met. Smile on command. Produce heirs like some stud horse for the dynasty.â
âYour Highnessââ
âSpare me,â he interrupted, raising a hand. âIâm aware I sound insufferable. Poor me, the prince in his gilded cage.â
The corners of her mouth twitched, the faintest shadow of a smile threatening to appear, though she suppressed it quickly. âI wouldnât dare say so, Your Highness.â
âAnd yet youâre thinking it,â he said, leaning back against the settee, a faint smirk tugging at his lips now. âGo on. Youâve already said more than most would dare. Speak freely.â
She hesitated, then, emboldened by his unusual mood, offered carefully, âI think⊠itâs easier to envy a cage when itâs lined with silk.â
Charles let out a bark of laughter, surprising them both. For a moment, the tension in the room seemed to dissipate, replaced by something lighter.
âTouchĂ©,â he said, shaking his head. âPerhaps I deserve that.â
She resumed her work in silence, and he watched her, his mind turning over her words. There was a simplicity in her presence, a quiet sense of purpose that felt like a reprieve from the endless demands of court life.
As she moved to leave, her task completed, she paused by the door. âYour Highness,â she said, her voice tentative.
He glanced up, his expression expectant.
âSometimes⊠cages are only as strong as we believe them to be.â
Before he could respond, she slipped out, leaving him alone with his thoughtsâand the echo of her words, which refused to leave him in peace.
The words haunted Charles for days. Cages are only as strong as we believe them to be. They played on a loop in his mind, following him from morning meetings with ministers to the hollow dinners with his parents, where talk of his engagement to Princess Evelyn consumed every conversation.
By the third day, he relented. Not to the sentiment behind her words, but to the reality of his life. Duty, it seemed, would always triumph over desire. He formally agreed to the arrangement in a cold meeting with his father, his voice devoid of emotion as he signed the papers that would announce his betrothal to the world.
That evening, restless and seeking solace, he ventured into the royal gardens. The roses were in full bloom, their scent heavy in the warm air, yet they brought him no comfort. The paths, so meticulously maintained, felt as constricting as the marble walls of the palace.
The crisp evening air offered a solace the grand halls could not. He strolled along the manicured paths, his mind still heavy with the decision he had made, when movement near the servantâs entrance caught his eye.
It was her.
She was dressed simply, carrying a basket as she slipped through the narrow door at the edge of the palace walls. For a moment, he simply watched her, a sudden curiosity flaring to life. Then, before reason could temper him, he followed.
She moved with purpose, her steps quick as she crossed the gravel path leading to the servantsâ gate. Charles kept his distance, careful to stay within the shadows. The sound of the gate creaking open carried through the still night, and he quickened his pace.
âWait,â he called softly as the gate began to swing shut behind her.
She spun, startled, her hand flying to her chest when she saw him. âYour Highness!â she whispered, her tone panicked. She glanced around quickly, as though expecting someone to appear from the darkness. âWhat are you doing out here?â
âI saw you,â he said simply, his voice low, âand I followed.â
Her expression shifted from shock to alarm. âYou shouldnât have. If anyone sees you out here with meââ
âThey wonât,â he said firmly, stepping closer.
âBut if they doâŠâ Her voice dropped further, almost a plea. âIâll be dismissedâworse. Do you know what theyâd do to me for leaving the palace grounds with the prince?â
He stared at her, and for the first time in days, he felt a flicker of something other than despair. âPlease,â he said, the word escaping him softly but with undeniable weight.
Her eyes widened at his uncharacteristic vulnerability. She shook her head, taking a step back. âNo. I canât. I wonât.â
âIâm not ordering you,â he said quickly. âIâm asking.â
For a moment, she stood frozen, her mind clearly racing. Then, with a frustrated sigh, she pulled the cloak from her shoulders and thrust it toward him.
âFine,â she said, her tone sharp but her movements careful as she draped it around him. âIf anyone asks, youâre my cousin visiting from the countryside. Keep your head down and your mouth shut.â
Charles nodded, the faintest hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. âUnderstood.â
She turned and began walking quickly down the narrow dirt path beyond the gate. He followed, cloaked in her simple, worn garment, the scent of lavender lingering faintly in the fabric.
They walked in silence for what felt like an eternity before the lights of a small village came into view. She turned onto a side lane, leading him to a tiny house at the edge of town, its thatched roof weathered but charming.
âThis is it,â she said, her voice clipped as she gestured to the modest dwelling.
He stared at the house, a stark contrast to the palace he called home. âYou live here?â
âYes,â she said, clearly defensive. âItâs small, but itâs mine. No one tells me what to do when Iâm here.â
He didnât respond, too busy taking in the details: the flower boxes beneath the windows, the faint glow of a single candle in the window.
âNow youâve seen it,â she said, her tone impatient. âYou should go back before someone notices youâre missing.â
But Charles shook his head. âNo,â he said softly, his eyes still fixed on the little house. âNot yet.â
Her brow furrowed as she crossed her arms. âYou shouldnât have come in the first place.â
âPerhaps not,â he admitted, finally looking at her. âBut now that Iâm here⊠I canât imagine wanting to leave.â
She stared at him, her expression unreadable. The quiet stretched between them, heavy with unspoken words. Finally, she sighed again, softer this time.
âFine,â she said, stepping toward the door. âBut if anyone asks, I donât know why youâre here, and I definitely didnât bring you.â
She pushed the door open, stepping inside with a cautious glance behind her. Charles followed, ducking slightly to avoid the low wooden beam over the doorway. Before she could say a word, a voice called from inside.
âBack already? I thought youââ
The voice cut off as a man, younger than Charles but older than the servant girl, appeared from the far corner of the small room. He froze, his sharp blue eyes flicking between her and the prince. âWhat in Godâs nameâŠâ
âDamn it!â she hissed, pressing a hand to her forehead. âI thought you were working the late shift at the docks tonight!â
âI was,â her brother said, stepping forward and squaring his shoulders. His rough shirt and patched trousers bore the telltale marks of dock workâsalt stains and grime clung to the fabric. âBut the shipment was cancelled. Now you tell me why the bloody prince of Monaco is in our house. Did you kidnap him?â
âKidnap him?â she snapped, throwing her hands in the air. âDonât be ridiculous. He followed me!â
Charles, for his part, seemed utterly unconcerned by the commotion. His gaze wandered over the small room with childlike fascination, taking in the chipped table, the cracked ceramic plates stacked neatly in the corner, and the patchwork curtain separating the single sleeping area. He paused to admire a string of dried herbs hanging near the hearth, as though heâd never seen anything so fascinating.
âYour Highness,â the brother said, stepping in front of him with an awkward, hesitant bow. âI mean no disrespect, but do you⊠do you need me to call someone? Or are you in danger?â He looked over his shoulder at his sister. âAre we in danger?â
âNo one is in danger,â Charles replied, his voice calm. He turned to her brother with a polite nod. âThank you for your concern. Iâm here of my own accord.â
The girl pinched the bridge of her nose, muttering under her breath. Meanwhile, Charlesâ eyes landed on a wooden crate near the wall, and before either sibling could stop him, he lowered himself onto it. The crate creaked but held, and he leaned back with a sigh, a serene smile spreading across his face.
The girl spun on him, her exasperation bubbling over. âWhat are you smiling about?â
He looked up at her, his expression earnest, almost boyish. âItâs beautiful.â
She blinked. âWhat?â
âHere,â he said, gesturing around the room. âItâs so cosy. Everything has its place. Itâs warm, lived-in⊠peaceful.â
Her brother raised an eyebrow, clearly sceptical. âYou call this beautiful? Your palace is five hundred times the size, and you think this isââ
âI know what my palace is,â Charles interrupted, though his tone held no irritation. âCold. Grand. Silent. This⊠this feels alive.â
She crossed her arms, her brow furrowing as she stared at him. For a moment, she didnât know whether to laugh or scold him. âItâs a shack,â she said finally, her voice softer but still tinged with disbelief.
âMaybe,â he said, leaning forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees. âBut itâs your shack. And itâs more honest than anything Iâve ever known.â
Her brother exchanged a glance with her, his expression suggesting that he thought the prince might have lost his mind. She only shook her head, sighing heavily as she walked to the table and placed her basket down.
âThis is a mistake,â she muttered to herself.
âPerhaps,â Charles said, still smiling, âbut itâs the best mistake Iâve made in a long time.â
She busied herself unpacking the basket, placing a few withered carrots, a handful of potatoes, and some crusty bread onto the table. Her brother leaned against the wall, arms crossed, still watching Charles with wary eyes.
âIf youâre staying, Your Highness,â she said, her tone clipped as she focused on the food, âI hope you donât mind scraps.â She hesitated, then glanced at him. âAnd you canât tell anyone at the palace that I take the extras. Theyâdââ
âDismiss you,â Charles finished, his voice soft. âI wonât tell. You have my word.â
She gave a small nod, her shoulders relaxing slightly, and began peeling the potatoes. Her hands moved deftly, her brother stepping in to fetch water from the small barrel near the door. Charles sat quietly on his makeshift chair, watching the two of them work in a rhythm.
âDo you need help?â he asked after a moment.
Her brother let out a short laugh, but she only shook her head without looking up. âNo, Your Highness, but thank you for the offer. I imagine peeling potatoes is beneath you.â
âNot everything is beneath me,â he replied, and while his voice was carrying a hint of dry humour, there was some seriousness to it.
She didnât respond, but a faint smile tugged at her lips as she chopped the vegetables and tossed them into a battered pot over the small fire. Soon, the room filled with the simple, comforting aroma of soup.
When the meal was ready, she placed three mismatched bowls on the table and ladled out the steaming broth. She set one in front of Charles without ceremony, then handed one to her brother before sitting down herself.
Charles took a tentative sip, and his eyes widened slightly. âThis is excellent.â
Her brother snorted. âItâs boiled scraps, mate. You must really have it rough if you think this is fine dining.â
âMax,â she warned, shooting her brother a glare.
Charles chuckled, dipping a chunk of the crusty bread into the soup. âMaybe itâs not fine dining,â he admitted, âbut it tastes real. Honest.â
Her brother rolled his eyes but said nothing more, focusing on his meal. The three of them ate in relative silence, the tension in the room easing slightly as the warmth of the food spread through them.
When the bowls were empty, she cleared the table, stacking the dishes neatly on a small shelf. Charles leaned back, his contented smile returning as he watched her move about the room.
âYou should go,â she said finally, her voice breaking the quiet. She didnât turn to face him.
His smile faltered. âI donât want to.â
Her hands paused for a moment before she resumed tidying the table. âYouâve seen what you wanted to see. This is my life. And you⊠you have your own life waiting for you back there.â
Charles stood slowly, brushing imaginary dust from his sleeves. âI suppose youâre right,â he said softly.
She walked toward the door, not meeting his eyes as she grabbed her cloak and gestured for him to follow. Her brother gave Charles a long, unreadable look as he rose to leave, but he said nothing, only shaking his head as the prince ducked back out into the cool night air.
They walked in silence down the dirt path, the lights of the palace glowing faintly in the distance. When they reached the servantsâ gate, she stopped and turned to him, keeping her eyes on the ground.
âThis is where we part ways,â she said firmly.
He took a step closer, and when she looked up, she saw something in his expressionâgratitude, yes, but something deeper, too. Without a word, he reached for her hand, his touch gentle. He held it for a moment, his thumb brushing lightly over her calloused fingers.
âThank you,â he said, his voice low and filled with sincerity. âFor the soup. For everything.â
Before she could respond, he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. The gesture was brief, but it sent a wave of warmth up her arm, leaving her stunned.
He stepped back, releasing her hand, and gave her one last look before slipping through the gate and disappearing into the shadows.
She stood there for a long time, staring at the empty path, her heart racing for reasons she couldnâtâor wouldnâtâname.
The next few days at the palace dragged on in a monotonous blur for Charles. His mornings were filled with tiresome meetings about the engagement, his afternoons with rigid etiquette lessons to prepare for public appearances with Princess Evelyn. Every second felt like a tightening noose around his neck.
Finally, the day came for him to meet her. Princess Evelyn of England arrived with her entourage in an ornate carriage, her entrance every bit as grand as expected. She was perfectly polite, perfectly poisedâand, to Charles, perfectly insipid.
They sat across from each other in one of the palaceâs many drawing rooms, chaperoned by a small battalion of attendants and his ever-watchful parents. She spoke at length about her family lineage, her charity work, and her plans to modernise court life, but her words washed over him like a stream of lukewarm water.
When it was his turn to speak, he managed only the barest pleasantries. He was certain she noticed his lack of enthusiasm, but if it bothered her, she gave no indication.
By the end of the meeting, he felt more drained than he had in years. As she curtsied and left the room, he caught his motherâs pointed glare, but he ignored it.
Before she could say anything to him, he glanced at the ornate clock on his wall. It was nearly the same time as the day she would be fluffing the pillows on his settee. A peculiar sense of anticipation stirred in his chest.
Without a second thought, he made his way to his bedroom. As he opened the door, his eyes immediately fell on her.
She was there, as if summoned by some unspoken wish. She was standing by the settee, her back to him as she carefully fluffed the pillows. Her movements were deliberate, methodical, and entirely unlike the flurry of maids bustling about elsewhere in the palace.
A slow smile spread across his face.
âPerfect timing,â he said loudly, causing her to jump slightly.
She turned, clutching the pillow to her chest. âYour Highness!â she said, startled. âIâ I can come back later ifââ
âDonât bother,â he interrupted dramatically, throwing himself onto the bed with a theatrical sigh.
She froze, unsure whether to be amused or annoyed, as he sprawled across the silk covers, one arm flung over his face.
âLet me tell you about the most dreadful afternoon of my life,â he groaned.
Her brow furrowed as she set the pillow back in place. âThe dreadful afternoon where you met the woman youâre going to marry?â
âPrecisely,â he said, sitting up slightly to gesture at her. âYou understand my plight already.â
âI understand youâre being ridiculous,â she replied, smoothing the cushions on the settee.
âRidiculous?!â he exclaimed, placing a hand over his heart. âDo you know what she said when I asked her about her favourite pastime?â
âI donât,â she said flatly, clearly trying to stay focused on her task.
âShe said,â he continued, his voice dripping with mock enthusiasm, âOh, I do adore embroidery. Thereâs something so meditative about it.â
She stared at him. âThat⊠doesnât sound terrible.â
He sat up fully now, gesturing emphatically. âDoesnât sound terrible? Itâs horrific! What am I to do with someone who finds stitching flowers onto fabric the height of excitement?â
âYou could try embroidery yourself,â she suggested dryly, unable to resist a small smirk.
He narrowed his eyes at her. âVery funny. No, what I need is someone who⊠who challenges me. Someone with fire.â
She arched an eyebrow but said nothing, turning back to the pillows.
âInstead,â he muttered, flopping back onto the bed, âIâm shackled to a walking lesson in decorum.â
The room fell silent for a moment, save for the soft rustle of fabric as she adjusted the settee. Finally, she turned to face him fully, her expression unreadable.
âMaybe,â she said carefully, âyou should spend less time thinking about what you donât like about her and more time figuring out what youâre looking for.â
Charles opened one eye to glance at her. âAnd if what Iâm looking for isnât an option?â
Her gaze lingered on him for a moment, something unspoken passing between them. Then, she shook her head and turned back to her work.
âThen you make do,â she said simply.
He watched her for a long moment, his chest tightening inexplicably.
âIs that what you do?â he asked softly.
She paused but didnât turn around. âEvery day, Your Highness.â
Without another word, she grabbed her items and walked out, softly closing the door behind her.
Charles had barely settled back on the bed, still pondering her cryptic answer, when the door to his chambers burst open.
His younger brother, Arthur, strode in, his golden hair slightly dishevelled and a boyish grin plastered across his face. âCharles! I just saw herâthe princess of England. Sheâs⊠stunning. Gorgeous. A masterpiece, really. You lucky bastard.â
Charles groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes. âArthur, must you always barge in uninvited?â
Arthur ignored him, plopping himself unceremoniously into one of the velvet chairs near the fireplace. âI mean it. If I were you, Iâd have proposed on the spot. Did you see her eyes? Like polished emeralds.â
âSheâs⊠fine,â Charles muttered, his tone flat.
âFine?â Arthurâs voice rose in mock indignation. âBrother, Iâd trade places with you in an instant.â He leaned forward, his grin widening. âWhat is it? Not enough excitement for you? Too⊠proper?â
Charles sat up, his expression exasperated. âIf you find her so attractive, Arthur, marry her yourself.â
Arthur laughed, clearly amused by the suggestion. âOh, if only it worked that way. But alas, you are the crown prince. The heir. The one who gets the girl and the throne, while Iâm left to look charming at parties.â
Charles shook his head, his frustration bubbling beneath the surface. He couldnât help but wonder how different his life might be if the roles were reversed. Could Arthur really be happy living a life of obligation, of gilded cages and loveless arrangements?
His thoughts drifted, unbidden, back to the servant girl. Her small house, her laughter with her brother over bowls of soup, the way she moved through life with an independence heâd never known.
âWhat would it be like,â he murmured, almost to himself, âto marry someone who isnât royalty? Someone who isnât bound by these ridiculous rules?â
Arthur blinked at him, momentarily caught off guard. Then he laughed, loud and incredulous. âAre you out of your mind?â
Charles turned his head sharply, fixing his brother with a challenging look. âIâm serious. What would it be like to marry a commoner? To live a life free of all this⊠pomp and pretence?â
Arthurâs laughter faded, replaced by a look of disbelief. âYou are mad. Do you have any idea what that would mean? The scandal? The uproar? Father would have a fit. Mother would faint on the spot. And the people? Theyâd riot.â
âWould they?â Charles asked, his tone calm but insistent. âOr would they understand? Would they respect a prince who chose love over duty?â
Arthur shook his head, a faint sneer creeping into his expression. âYou donât know what youâre saying. A prince doesnât marry a milkmaid or a seamstress. Itâs not a fairytale, Charles. Weâre not⊠like them.â
The words hung in the air, heavy and sharp.
âNot like them,â Charles repeated softly, his voice carrying a hint of disdain. âAnd what exactly does that mean?â
Arthur hesitated, then shrugged, as if the answer were obvious. âIt means we have a responsibility. A legacy to uphold. Marrying into royalty isnât just traditionâitâs survival. You think Father and Mother arranged your engagement for fun?â
Charles didnât respond immediately. Instead, he leaned back against the headboard, his mind churning. Arthurâs words grated against something deep within him, something that longed to push back against the boundaries of their carefully constructed world.
âMaybe,â he said finally, his voice low, âthe legacy isnât worth the cost.â
Arthur stared at him, his disbelief giving way to concern. âCharles⊠youâve been spending too much time alone. Or worseâreading poetry again. Get your head out of the clouds, brother. This is your life. Learn to accept it.â
With that, Arthur rose, clapping Charles on the shoulder before striding toward the door. âAnd if you wonât,â he added with a grin, âIâll gladly keep the princess company. Youâre a fool not to appreciate her.â
The door closed behind him, leaving Charles alone in the echoing silence of his chambers.
But his mind wasnât silent.
It churned, restless and defiant, filled with images of a life he might never know.
The chill of the autumn night bit at Charlesâs skin as he hurried along the winding path toward the small house. A week had passed, and though he told himself repeatedly that it was improperâfoolish, evenâhe couldnât shake the gnawing thought of her.
He hadnât seen her since their last conversation in his chambers. Every day without her had stretched longer than the last. No wry comments while she smoothed the wrinkles from his sheets, no gentle jabs at his dramatics.
The house appeared before him, small and humble against the starlit sky. Light peeked through the cracks in the shutters.
He hesitated, his heart pounding. Then, before he could talk himself out of it, he knocked.
The door opened a crack, her face appearing in the dim light. The moment she recognised him, her eyes widened in alarm, and she yanked him inside, shutting the door firmly behind him.
âYour Highness!â she whispered fiercely, pressing her back against the door as though to block the outside world. âAre you out of your mind? Iâll be hung if they find you at my door!â
He tried to smile, though he knew she was right. âI havenât seen you all week.â
Her expression turned exasperated. âThatâs not a valid reason to sneak out of the palace, Prince Charles.â
âIsnât it?â he countered lightly, though the heat rising in his cheeks betrayed the truth of how much heâd missed her.
Her sigh was heavy with frustration, but something softened in her gaze. âYou shouldnât be here,â she said again, though her voice lacked its earlier sharpness. She moved away from the door, adjusting the shawl around her shoulders.
It was then that he noticed the redness around her nose, the slight rasp in her voice.
âYouâve been ill,â he said, stepping closer.
âItâs nothing,â she replied, waving him off as she moved toward the small kitchen space. âA cold. Happens every year when the weather turns. Iâll survive.â
âYou shouldnât have to,â he said quietly, glancing around the room.
âLife doesnât wait for the sniffles,â she said with a faint smirk, though her movements were slower than usual as she reached for a bowl.
âThen let me help,â he said, surprising both of them.
She turned, raising an eyebrow. âYou? Help? What do you know about cooking?â
âAbsolutely nothing,â he admitted, grinning. âBut Iâm an excellent student.â
She stared at him for a moment, as though deciding whether to humour him. Finally, she handed him a knife and motioned toward a small pile of vegetables. âFine. Peel those. Try not to cut yourself.â
He took the knife gingerly, studying the carrot as if it were a puzzle. She chuckled softly, the sound warming the small space, and stepped beside him to show him the proper angle for peeling.
The next hour passed in a flurry of quiet laughter and careful instructions. He fumbled with the knife, his first attempts earning teasing remarks from her, but he improved quickly under her guidance. Together, they chopped, stirred, and seasoned until the small pot on the stove began to bubble with a fragrant stew.
As they worked, the conversation drifted.
âYouâre better at this than I expected,â she said, handing him a spoon to stir.
He smiled. âCareful. If you keep complimenting me, I might come back for more lessons.â
She shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. âCooking isnât glamorous work, Your Highness. Itâs just⊠survival.â
âMaybe,â he said, his tone thoughtful, âbut thereâs something⊠grounding about it. It feels real.â
She looked at him, her brow furrowing slightly. âYou really hate that palace life, donât you?â
He didnât answer right away, instead focusing on the steady motion of the spoon in the pot. âI donât hate it,â he said eventually. âItâs just⊠hollow. Every decision is made for me. Every word is calculated. I donât know who Iâm supposed to be in all of it.â
She nodded slowly, her gaze distant. âYouâre lucky, though,â she said softly. âEven if itâs hollow, you have a place. A name. People like me⊠weâre just the shadows keeping the fire alive.â
He stopped stirring, her words settling heavily in the space between them. âI donât think thatâs true,â he said after a moment.
She tilted her head, her expression sceptical. âNo?â
âNo,â he said firmly. âYouâre more than that. Youâre clever. Strong. Independent. You see things I never could.â
She blinked, taken aback by the conviction in his voice.
âThatâs what I like about you,â he added softly, almost without thinking.
The words hung in the air, and he froze, realising too late what heâd said.
Her cheeks flushed a deep pink, and she turned away quickly, pretending to adjust the pot on the stove.
His own face burned as he fumbled for something to say, but nothing came. The silence stretched on, heavy and charged, until she finally spoke, her voice quieter than before.
âYou should taste the stew,â she said, not looking at him.
He stepped forward, dipping the spoon into the pot and taking a tentative sip.
âItâs perfect,â he said, his voice softer now.
Her lips curved into the faintest smile, though she still didnât meet his gaze.
The evening deepened, the chill of the autumn air seeping through the thin walls of the small house. Charles noticed her slight shiver as she ladled the stew into two mismatched bowls, the threadbare shawl around her shoulders doing little to shield her from the cold.
He stood abruptly, unfastening the clasp of his heavy cloak. She turned to look at him, startled, as he stepped behind her and draped it gently over her shoulders.
âWhat are you doing?â she asked, pulling the thick fabric around herself instinctively.
âYouâre cold,â he said simply, sitting back down and picking up his bowl.
She hesitated, looking at him with a mix of gratitude and uncertainty. âBut youâll freeze without it.â
âIâll be fine,â he replied with a small smile. âIâve survived colder nights, army and all of that.â
The warmth of the cloak seemed to envelop her, and she relaxed slightly, sitting down across from him. For a moment, they ate in silence, the quiet clinking of their spoons the only sound.
When their bowls were empty, Charles glanced around the modest room, noticing for the first time the lack of a hearthfire.
âDo you light a fire at night?â he asked, though he already suspected the answer.
She shook her head. âCanât afford firewood,â she said matter-of-factly, collecting their bowls. âItâs not so bad. We manage.â
âOh,â was all he managed to say, though the thought of her and her brother enduring nights in such cold unsettled him deeply.
She didnât seem to notice his reaction, busying herself with tidying up.
Later, as he prepared to leave, she hesitated by the door, holding his cloak out to him.
âTake this back,â she said softly.
He pushed her hand gently back toward her. âKeep it,â he insisted. âFor tonight.â
She opened her mouth to argue but stopped, the words faltering. Finally, she nodded, her fingers tightening around the fabric.
âThank you,â she said, her voice almost a whisper.
He smiled at her one last time before stepping out into the night, the chill biting at him instantly as he made his way back to the palace.
She played with the royal clasp of his cloak as he left and wondered what her life would be like if she wasnât just a servant and he wasnât the Crown Prince of Monaco.
No less than a few days later, her brother barged into the small house, his footsteps heavy against the creaking floorboards.
âWhy,â he began, his voice loud and incredulous, âis there monthsâ worth of firewood outside the house?â
She looked up from where she was patching a worn-out scarf, distracted. âWhat are you talking about?â
âThe firewood,â he repeated, gesturing wildly toward the door. âThereâs a mountain of it, just sitting there! Did you rob a lumberyard?â
She frowned, setting down her work and walking to the door. When she stepped outside, her eyes widened at the sight of the neatly stacked pile of firewood by the side of the house.
âI⊠I donât know,â she stammered, completely bewildered.
It was then that she noticed a small slip of paper tucked into the top of the stack. Pulling it free, she unfolded it to reveal a note written in a familiar, elegant hand.
Keep warm â C
Her cheeks flushed, and a small smile tugged at her lips despite herself.
Her brother leaned over her shoulder, reading the note. âC?â he asked suspiciously. âWhoâs C?â
She folded the note quickly, tucking it into her apron pocket. âNo one,â she said, avoiding his gaze.
Her brother narrowed his eyes but didnât press further, shaking his head as he muttered something about princes and their peculiarities.
She was fluffing the pillows on the freshly made bed when the door to the princeâs chambers swung open. Charles strode in, his expression lighting up the moment he saw her. Without hesitation, he leapt onto the bed, landing with a dramatic bounce that sent a pillow tumbling to the floor.
âYouâre back!â he exclaimed, grinning. âAnd youâre better!â
âAnd you just ruined the bed I made.â she chided but then moved on to adjusting a vase on the side table. âWell I must say, a lit fire at night changes a whole lot.â
He froze for a fraction of a second, then sat up, feigning ignorance with an exaggerated shrug. âOh? A fire, you say? Thatâs⊠good to hear. Fires are quite helpful, Iâm told.â
Her smirk widened. âIâm sure someone told you that.â
âPerhaps,â he said, swinging his legs off the bed and leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. âBut weâre not here to discuss firewood logistics, are we?â
She rolled her eyes, walking around the room to dust the mantel. âThen what would you like to discuss, Your Highness?â
He sighed heavily, flopping back onto the bed and throwing an arm over his face. âThe princess of England.â
She raised an eyebrow, glancing over at him. âOh?â
âI have to meet her again,â he groaned. âAnother tea, another tedious conversation about fabrics or her needlework or some other mind-numbing topic. I swear, Iâd rather duel blindfolded than sit through it.â
She snorted, biting back a laugh. âBlindfolded? Thatâs a bit much, donât you think?â
âNo,â he said, peeking at her from under his arm. âItâs perfectly reasonable.â
âOf course it is,â she said, her tone dripping with mock sincerity. âBecause whatâs more reasonable than a prince skewering himself just to avoid small talk?â
He sat up, clutching his chest theatrically. âYou wound me, madam. Truly, your lack of sympathy is cruel.â
She gave him a sidelong glance, shaking her head as she set the duster aside. âYouâre insufferable, you know that?â
âIâve been told,â he replied, grinning.
She turned back to the mantel, but when the silence stretched, she glanced over her shoulder. He was watching her, his expression soft, his eyes warm and intent.
Her brow furrowed. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
He blinked, snapping out of his reverie, and quickly looked away, running a hand through his hair. âI wasnât looking at you.â
âYou absolutely were,â she said, crossing her arms and giving him a suspicious look.
âNo, I was⊠thinking,â he said, his voice a touch too casual.
She arched an eyebrow, unconvinced. âThinking about what?â
âAboutâŠâ He scrambled for an answer, then pointed toward the bed. âAbout how well you made this bed. Truly impressive. Best Iâve ever seen.â
She rolled her eyes again, but a faint blush crept into her cheeks. âRight,â she said, picking up her duster. âWell, Iâll leave you to your very important thinking, then.â
He watched her go, his chest tightening as the door clicked softly shut behind her.
Over the next few days, Charles found himself increasingly distracted. Whether strolling through the palace gardens or enduring another tiresome tea with the princess, his thoughts invariably drifted to her. The way her wit kept him on his toes. The quiet determination in her movements. The occasional flicker of softness beneath her sharp remarks.
It was maddening.
When he was near her, he found excuses to linger. When she wasnât around, he searched for her without realising it. And as much as he tried to push the growing ache in his chest aside, he couldnât deny what was happening.
Heâd fallen for her.
It was late afternoon when he returned to his chambers after a gruelling diplomatic meeting. To his delight, she was there, dusting the intricate carvings on the wooden frame of his bed. She didnât notice him enter, humming softly to herself as she worked.
He leaned casually against the doorframe, watching her for a moment before clearing his throat.
She jumped, spinning around to face him, clutching her duster like a weapon. âDo you have to sneak up on me?â
âItâs my room,â he said, smirking. âI can hardly sneak into my own space.â
She scowled, turning back to her work. âYouâre insufferable.â
âSo youâve said,â he replied, stepping further into the room. âBut you keep coming back. Perhaps Iâm growing on you.â
âI come back because itâs my job,â she retorted, moving to dust a nearby shelf.
He followed her, leaning lazily against the furniture. âA job you seem to excel at. Though I wonder⊠do you enjoy tormenting me as much as I enjoy tormenting you?â
She shot him a sharp glance, but the corner of her mouth twitched. âSomeone has to keep your ego in check, Your Highness.â
He chuckled, reaching out to pluck the duster from her hand. âYou do it so well,â he murmured, his voice low.
Her breath hitched slightly as he leaned closer, her eyes darting to his before flicking away. âYou should stop doing that.â
âDoing what?â he asked, his voice soft and teasing as he leaned closer still, his face mere inches from hers.
âWhatever it is youâre doing,â she said, stepping back slightly, only to find herself against the edge of the shelf.
The tension in the air was palpable, her chest rising and falling with shallow breaths. His gaze was locked on hers, and for a moment, the world outside the room seemed to vanish.
A sharp knock on the door shattered the moment.
âCharles?â his brotherâs voice called from the hallway.
Panic flared in her eyes, and Charles acted on instinct, grabbing her wrist and pulling her toward the large wardrobe at the side of the room.
âWhat are youââ she began, but he pressed a finger to her lips as he opened the wardrobe door and ushered her inside.
The space was small, barely enough for the two of them. She pressed herself against the back wall as he stepped in, closing the door behind them.
The darkness was absolute, and the only sound was the quiet shuffle of their breaths.
âStay quiet,â he whispered, his breath warm against her ear.
A beat passed, and she whispered back, her voice laced with frustration, âIf we get caught, itâll be my neck, not yours.â
âNo oneâs getting caught,â he murmured, his voice low and steady.
In the confined space, his hand brushed against hers, and he froze. Slowly, almost hesitantly, his fingers moved to her face. His touch was light, tentative, as though he feared she might vanish at any moment.
His thumb traced the curve of her cheek, brushing against her skin with agonising slowness. Her breath hitched, and in the silence, it felt deafening.
âWhy are youâŠâ she began, but her voice faltered as his fingers brushed the line of her jaw, lingering there for a moment before sliding to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
âYouâre trembling,â he whispered, his voice barely audible.
âYouâre too close,â she replied, though her tone lacked conviction.
The faintest smile curved his lips, though she couldnât see it in the dark. âYouâre not stopping me,â he said softly.
Before she could respond, his brotherâs voice echoed from the other side of the room. âCharles, where are you?â
He leaned closer, his forehead nearly brushing hers. âStay still,â he murmured, his hand still cradling her cheek.
She closed her eyes, the tension in the small space suffocating and electric all at once.
Footsteps receded as his brother left the room, grumbling something about missing him.
For a long moment, neither of them moved. Then, Charles let out a slow breath, his hand dropping from her face. He opened the wardrobe door slightly, letting in the dim light of the room.
âSafe,â he said quietly, stepping back to let her out.
She stepped past him, her cheeks flushed and her breaths uneven. âYouâre reckless,â she muttered, avoiding his gaze as she hurried to gather her duster.
He smirked, leaning against the wardrobe door. âAnd youâre adorable when youâre flustered.â
She shot him a glare over her shoulder, but the pink in her cheeks betrayed her.
âGet back to work, Your Highness,â she said, her tone sharp but her voice unsteady.
He chuckled softly, watching her go.
The late afternoon sunlight streamed through the tall windows of Charlesâs chambers, painting golden streaks across the plush rug. She was there again, this time at his desk, meticulously polishing the brass handles of the drawers. She worked with the same quiet efficiency she always did, her movements steady, purposeful.
Charles, reclining lazily on the settee, had been pretending to read a book for the past ten minutes. In truth, heâd barely turned a page. His attention was drawn, as it so often was these days, to her.
He cleared his throat, drawing her attention. âHave you ever taken a moment to rest?â
She glanced at him briefly before returning to her task. âI rest when my work is done.â
âAnd when is it done?â he pressed, setting the book down and rising to his feet.
She didnât answer immediately, her focus still on the brass handle in her hand. âWhen your chambers sparkle, Your Highness.â
He chuckled, stepping closer. âIt already sparkles. Youâve polished this desk so many times I can see my reflection.â
She huffed softly, clearly unimpressed. âThereâs still dust.â
He reached out, his hand gently brushing hers as she gripped the cloth. She stilled, her breath catching as his fingers lingered over hers.
âYouâre relentless,â he murmured, his voice low.
Her eyes flicked to his, wide and uncertain. âAnd youâre in my way.â
He smiled, his expression teasing but his gaze intent. âIâm rarely in anyoneâs way. Itâs a novelty.â
She tried to step back, but he moved with her, closing the distance between them. âWhat are you doing?â she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
âObserving,â he said, his voice soft, warm, as if he were sharing a secret. âYouâre endlessly fascinating to watch, you know.â
Her cheeks flushed, and she looked away, but he reached out, gently tilting her chin so sheâd meet his eyes again.
âYou shouldnât say things like that,â she said, her voice shaky.
âWhy not?â
âBecauseâŠâ She faltered, her lips parting as she searched for words. âBecause you shouldnât.â
He leaned in slightly, his hand still holding her chin. The air between them was heavy, charged with something neither of them dared name.
âYouâre trembling again,â he said softly, the corner of his mouth lifting in the faintest of smiles.
âIâm not,â she said quickly, but her voice betrayed her.
âYou are,â he whispered, his thumb brushing her jaw in the lightest of touches.
Her breath hitched, and her hands tightened around the cloth she still held. âThis is dangerous,â she managed, though her tone was weak.
âFor you?â he asked, tilting his head slightly. âOr for me?â
She couldnât answer, her heart pounding so loudly she was certain he could hear it.
His hand moved, the backs of his fingers tracing the curve of her cheek, then down to her neck, where his thumb rested lightly against her pulse. He felt it hammering beneath his touch and smiled softly, almost as if he were marvelling at it.
âYou feel it too,â he said, his voice low and intimate, as if the world beyond this moment didnât exist.
She swallowed hard, her hands trembling as she finally pushed lightly at his chest. âYou⊠need to stop.â
For a moment, he didnât move, his gaze locked on hers. Then, slowly, he stepped back, though the tension in the air lingered like a storm about to break.
She turned away quickly, grabbing her cloth and pretending to busy herself with the desk again, though her hands shook so much she nearly dropped it.
âIâm sorry,â he said softly, the sincerity in his voice stopping her in her tracks.
She didnât turn back to him, but she nodded slightly, her voice quiet. âDonât do it again.â
But neither of them believed that.
That night the crackle of the fire in the grand drawing room filled the silence as Charles poured himself another glass of brandy. His younger brother lounged in the chair across from him, a glass already in hand.
âYouâve been distracted lately,â Arthur said, swirling his drink. âEven more so than usual.â
Charles leaned back in his chair, the leather creaking beneath him. âHave I?â
Arthur arched an eyebrow. âYou spent half of tea with the English delegation yesterday staring at the window. Iâm pretty sure they could have declared war, and you wouldnât have noticed.â
Charles chuckled, though it lacked his usual mirth. He stared into his glass, the amber liquid catching the firelight.
âArthur,â he began, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.
His brother tilted his head, curious. âWhat?â
âWhat would you think of⊠being the next heir to the throne?â
Arthur blinked, then laughed, loud and incredulous. âWhat, youâre not planning on dying anytime soon, are you?â
âNo,â Charles said, shaking his head, his lips twitching into a faint smile.
Arthur leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. âThen why would you ask that?â
Charles swirled his drink, his gaze distant. âJust⊠wondering.â
Arthur snorted, leaning back again. âAbdicating is social suicide. If youâre even entertaining the thought, Iâd advise you to stop immediately.â
Charles stayed silent, his thumb brushing idly along the rim of his glass.
The quiet stretched, and Arthur froze mid-drink, lowering his glass to the table with a sharp clink. His eyes widened, and his voice dropped. âYouâre not thinking of abdicating⊠are you?â
Charles didnât respond right away, his jaw tightening as he stared into the fire.
âCha,â Arthur pressed, his voice rising slightly. âWhat the hell is going on with you? Whoâs put this absurd idea in your head?â
Charles glanced at him, his expression inscrutable. âItâs not absurd.â
âIt is when youâre the crown prince of Monaco,â Arthur snapped, sitting up straighter. âYouâd give up everythingâpower, privilege, our familyâs legacyâfor what? A whim? A fleeting fancy?â
âItâs not a fancy,â Charles said sharply, his voice cutting through the room.
Arthur blinked, taken aback by his brotherâs rare flash of anger. âThen what is it?â
Charles leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and staring hard at his brother. âWhat if I told you itâs something real? That Iâve found somethingâsomeoneâwho makes me feel more alive than anything this throne ever could?â
Arthurâs jaw dropped slightly, his expression caught between shock and disbelief. âYouâre serious.â
âDeadly serious,â Charles said, his tone firm.
Arthur exhaled, running a hand through his hair. âThis isnât just about a servant, is it?â
Charlesâs head shot up, his eyes narrowing. âHowââ
âPlease,â Arthur said, waving a hand. âYou think I havenât noticed? The way youâve been sneaking out, the looks you give when you think no oneâs watching? The firewood? Youâre an open book.â
Charles leaned back, a wry smile tugging at his lips. âI underestimated you.â
âAnd youâre underestimating the chaos youâd cause,â Arthur shot back. âDo you have any idea what this would mean for the family? For Monaco?â
Charlesâs expression hardened. âFor once, Iâm thinking about what it would mean for me.â
Arthur stared at him, the firelight casting shadows across his face. âYouâd walk away from all of this?â
âIf it meant being with her?â Charles said, his voice soft but resolute. âYes. I would.â
The weight of his words settled over them, and for once, Arthur didnât have a quick retort.
The next few days were torturous for Charles. Each moment stretched longer than the last, his thoughts dominated by her. Every step he took through the palace halls felt meaningless without catching sight of herâher quick smile, her quiet resolve, the way she challenged him without fear.
He thought of her words, her laughter, the way her cheeks flushed when he teased her. More than that, he thought of the way she made him feelâseen, understood, even cherished in a way that no title or crown could replicate.
His heart ached with the weight of it, with the need to tell her, to unburden himself of the truth that had taken root so deeply he couldnât ignore it anymore.
But how? How could he look her in the eye and admit what he was so sure would unravel the tenuous balance between them?
One morning, he found himself wandering aimlessly through the palace gardens. It was the time of day she often brought fresh linens from the storage to the castle, she usually crossed the gardens. He lingered, hoping for a glimpse of her, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Frustrated, he returned to his chambers, pacing the space restlessly, thinking. No, waiting to next see her. When she finally arrived, carrying a tray of fresh tea and biscuits, his breath hitched.
âYouâre pacing,â she said, placing the tray on the table. âThatâs never a good sign.â
âIâve been restless,â he admitted, stopping mid-stride. âAnd youâre late.â
She raised an eyebrow as she set the tea. âDidnât know I was on your schedule.â
He crossed the room to her, his steps deliberate. âI notice when youâre not here.â
Her hands stilled for a moment before she resumed arranging the tea things. âIâm just a servant, Your Highness. Surely you have better things to notice.â
âThatâs not true,â he said, his voice dropping.
She looked up at him, her expression guarded. âIt should be.â
He wanted to argue, to say it wasnât her place to decide what mattered to him, but the vulnerability in her gaze stopped him. Instead, he changed the subject.
âHave you eaten today?â
She frowned, clearly caught off guard. âWhy do you ask?â
âBecause Iâd wager you havenât,â he said, stepping closer. âYou work yourself to the bone.â
She shrugged, turning back to her task. âIâm used to it.â
âThatâs not an answer,â he said, his tone softer now. âCome. Sit with me for a moment.â
She hesitated, glancing at the door. âIf someone seesââ
âNo one will,â he said, moving to pull a chair out for her. âPlease.â
Her eyes darted between him and the chair before she sighed, giving in and sitting reluctantly.
He poured her a cup of tea, his movements unhurried. As he handed it to her, their fingers brushed, and he felt the now-familiar spark that always seemed to follow her touch.
âYou donât have to do this,â she said quietly, looking down at the tea.
âDo what?â
âTreat me like Iâm someone,â she said, her voice barely above a whisper. âSomeone important.â
His chest tightened. âYou are.â
She looked up at him then, her eyes wide, filled with a mix of disbelief and something elseâsomething that made his breath catch.
For a moment, he thought about saying it, about laying it all out before her. But the words caught in his throat, weighed down by the fear of what her reaction might be.
The next day, Charles found himself waiting for her in his chambers again, anticipation thrumming through him. When she arrived, her arms full of fresh linens, he immediately noticed the faint circles under her eyes.
âYouâre overworking yourself again,â he said, standing from his seat near the window.
âIâm fine,â she replied, her tone brisk as she moved to change the bedding.
âYouâre not,â he countered, moving closer.
She straightened, turning to face him. âWhy do you care?â
The question hung in the air between them, heavy with unspoken truths.
âBecauseâŠâ He hesitated, his hands flexing at his sides as he struggled to find the right words. âBecause you matter to me.â
Her lips parted, her breath catching. âCharles, donâtââ
âIâm not trying to overstep,â he said quickly. âBut you should knowâI canât ignore it anymore.â
âIgnore what?â she asked, her voice trembling slightly.
Before he could answer, the sound of footsteps echoed in the hall. She stepped back instinctively, breaking the moment.
Over the next few days, he was quieter, more pensive. He found himself watching her more often, the words he wanted to say always on the tip of his tongue. But every time he opened his mouth, the weight of the risks stopped him.
What if she didnât feel the same? What if she did, but couldnât say so?
The questions tormented him, each one drawing him closer to the inevitable conclusion: he had to tell her.
But how could he make her understand the depth of his feelings without ruining everything?
Charles really tried to wait it out, he tried so hard.
But when the rain lashed outside his chambers where he sat in the dimly lit room, the fire crackling softly in the hearth.
He worried.
It was late, far later than when she usually came, but he had waited, a knot of tension in his chest.
When the door finally opened, and she stepped inside with her usual quiet grace, drenched from the rain with his laundry in a covered basket, his heart leapt.
âYouâre soaked,â he said, standing quickly. âYou shouldnât be out in this weather.â
She shrugged, setting the basket down by the door. âWork doesnât stop for a storm, Your Highness.â
He frowned, crossing the room to her. âTake off that cloak; youâll catch your death.â
âIâm fine,â she said, brushing past him toward the hearth, but her shivering betrayed her words.
He moved closer, pulling her gently toward the warmth of the fire. âWhy do you always insist on pretending youâre fine when youâre not?â
She stiffened under his touch. âBecause I have no other choice.â
Her words hit him harder than he expected. He reached for her hands, his thumbs brushing over her cold fingers. âYou shouldnât have to live like this.â
She pulled her hands back, looking at him with a mixture of confusion and caution. âWhat do you mean?â
âI meanâŠâ He hesitated, his heart pounding. âI canât keep pretending. Not anymore.â
âPretending what?â she asked, her voice quiet but steady.
âThat I donât feel this,â he said, stepping closer. âThat I donât feel everything for you.â
Her eyes widened, her breath catching. âCharlesâŠâ
âI love you,â he said, the words tumbling out, raw and unguarded. âIâve tried to fight it, to ignore it, but I canât. I donât want to.â
Before she could even stop them, tears welled in her eyes, and she shook her head, stepping back. âYou donât mean that. You canât.â
âI do,â he said firmly, closing the distance between them again. âIâd give up everythingâthis title, this lifeâif it meant being with you.â
Her tears spilled over then, and she covered her mouth with her hand. âDonât say that. Donât even think it.â
âWhy not?â he asked, his voice breaking. âIf Iâm not happy hereâif I canât have the life I wantâwhat good is any of this?â
âBecause you donât know what youâre saying,â she said, her voice rising. âYouâve lived in a palace your entire life, with servants, banquets, comfort. You donât know what itâs like to live without it. To go to bed on an empty stomach. To wake up not knowing if youâll have work the next day. I canât do that to you.â
âYou wouldnât be doing it to me,â he said desperately. âIt would be my choice.â
She shook her head again, her tears falling faster now. âAnd what happens when you realise you canât live like that? When the reality of it sets in? Youâll resent me. And Iâll lose you.â
âYou wonât lose me,â he said, his voice pleading as he reached for her hands again. âI swear to you, you wonât.â
âI donât have a good life,â she whispered, her voice trembling. âI can barely take care of myself. How could I take care of you?â
âI donât need you to take care of me,â he said, his hands tightening around hers. âI just need you. I donât care about the rest.â
She looked at him, her eyes searching his, her tears glistening in the firelight. âYouâre asking me to believe in something that feels impossible.â
âThen let me prove it to you,â he said, his voice breaking as his own tears threatened to fall. âPlease. Give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me. Let me love you the way you deserve.â
Her resolve wavered, her breath hitching as his words sank in. She wanted to believe himâdesperatelyâbut the fear of what they would face, of what they would lose, loomed over her.
âChaâŠâ she began, her voice cracking.
âPlease,â he whispered, his forehead resting against hers. âSay yes. Just⊠say yes.â
For a long, agonising moment, the only sound was the rain pounding against the windows and the crackle of the fire.
âI donât know how to do this,â she said finally, her voice barely audible.
âThen weâll figure it out together,â he said, cupping her face gently, his thumbs brushing away her tears. âBut donât push me away. Not now. Not when I know you feel this too.â
Her lips quivered, and she closed her eyes, a fresh tear slipping down her cheek. âYouâre impossible,â she whispered.
âAnd youâre everything,â he replied, his voice trembling with emotion.
After pacing around his room for a few days, thinking of how he was going to tell his father, Charles went to his study.
The atmosphere in the kingâs study was heavy with tension, the air almost crackling as Charles stood before his father. The older man sat behind an imposing mahogany desk, his expression dark and unreadable. The storm that had raged days earlier seemed to have shifted inside these walls, centering on the room as if the universe sensed the coming conflict.
âI need to speak with you,â Charles began, his voice steady but tight.
The king set down the pen he had been holding, his gaze sharp. âThis sounds serious.â
âIt is,â Charles replied, straightening his shoulders. âIâve made a decision.â
The king leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers. âI see. Go on, then.â
âIâm going to abdicate.â
For a moment, the words seemed to hang in the air, the weight of them pressing down on the room.
Then, the kingâs expression darkened further, his voice sharp and incredulous. âYouâre what?â
âIâve decided I donât want the throne,â Charles said firmly. âItâs not the life I want anymore.â
The king rose from his chair, his movements slow and deliberate as he loomed over the desk. âDo you even understand what youâre saying? What youâre throwing away?â
âYes,â Charles said, meeting his fatherâs gaze without flinching. âIâve thought about thisâmore than you know. I donât want this life. I wantâŠâ He hesitated, his voice softening. âI want to live my own life.â
The king scoffed, shaking his head. âAnd what life would that be? One of obscurity? Of poverty? Youâve never gone a day without comfort, without privilege. You know nothing of what itâs like out there, and you think you can just⊠give all of this up?â
âI do,â Charles said, his tone resolute.
The kingâs eyes narrowed. âThis is about her, isnât it? That servant girl. Your mother mentioned her but I did not believe her.â
Charlesâs chest tightened, but he didnât deny it. âYes. Itâs about her. But itâs also about me. About what I want, who I want to be. And I know I donât want this.â
âDonât be a fool,â the king snapped, his voice rising. âYou think love is enough to sustain you? That some fantasy of a simpler life will keep you warm when reality sets in? She canât give you what you need, Charles.â
âShe gives me what I want,â Charles shot back, his voice fierce. âAnd for once, isnât that enough?â
âNo, it isnât!â the king roared, slamming his hand on the desk. âYouâre a prince! You have a dutyâto your family, to your people. You canât just walk away because of some fleeting infatuation.â
âItâs not fleeting,â Charles said, his voice dropping but losing none of its intensity. âI love her. And Iâd rather live a life with herâwhatever that looks likeâthan spend one more moment pretending to be happy here.â
The king laughed bitterly, shaking his head. âYouâre naĂŻve. You donât even know how to survive out there.â
âSheâll teach me,â Charles said, surprising even himself with the certainty in his voice. âI want to learn. I want that lifeâwith her.â
The king stared at him, his face a mixture of disbelief and frustration. âYouâre throwing away everything youâve ever known for a life of struggle. For what?â
âFor love,â Charles said simply.
The room fell silent, the only sound the faint ticking of the clock on the wall. The king finally sat back down, rubbing a hand over his face. When he looked up again, his expression was weary but no less stern.
âYouâre making a mistake,â he said quietly.
âMaybe,â Charles replied. âBut itâs my mistake to make.â
The kingâs lips pressed into a thin line, his gaze searching his sonâs face as if looking for a crack in his resolve. But Charles stood firm, his decision made.
âYouâll regret this,â the king said finally, his voice heavy with warning.
âPerhaps,â Charles said. âBut Iâll never regret choosing her.â
Without another word, he turned and walked out of the study, leaving his father staring after him in silence.
The rumours spread like wildfire. Whispers followed Charles wherever he walked, his every step trailed by servants and courtiers exchanging furtive glances and hushed speculations. The air in the palace buzzed with the shock of his decision, but none of it mattered to him. Not the disapproval etched into his fatherâs face, nor the incredulous murmurs of the courtiers. His mind was focused solely on her.
He found her in the palace laundry room, folding linens with the quiet efficiency that always seemed to calm her. When he walked in, she froze, her fingers clutching the corner of a sheet.
âYou,â she began, her voice a mixture of disbelief and exasperation. âYou really went through with it?â
He stepped closer, his hands tucked behind his back, his face calm but his eyes alight with purpose. âI told you I would.â
She stared at him, shaking her head. âI thoughtâCharles, I thought it was just talk. Something youâd get over once you realised how insane it is.â
âWell, Iâm officially insane,â he said with a faint smile, stepping closer.
She dropped the sheet onto the table and turned to face him fully, her arms crossed. âDo you have any idea what youâve done? The crown, the throne, your entire futureâitâs gone. All of it. For what?â
âFor you,â he said simply.
Her mouth opened, but no words came. Finally, she shook her head, her voice trembling. âYouâre impossible. Do you know what this means? I canât work here anymore, not if you abdicate. The palace wonât keep me.â
âI know,â he said gently. âAnd I wouldnât ask you to stay here. Weâll leaveâtogether.â
âLeave?â she echoed, blinking at him.
âYes,â he said, stepping closer until he was just in front of her. âIâve been thinking about it. We can go somewhere no one knows us, where we can start fresh.â
She stared at him like heâd grown another head. âWhere would we even go?â
âItaly,â he said with a small smile.
âItaly?â she repeated, her brows furrowing.
âYes, maybe Marenello,â he said, his voice filled with conviction. âItâs beautiful, the weather is perfect, and⊠I donât know, it just feels right.â
She let out a soft, incredulous laugh. âCharles, I donât even speak Italian.â
He tilted his head, his smile widening. âThen, for once, Iâll get to teach you something.â
His words hung in the air, so tender and unexpected that she couldnât help the small smile that tugged at her lips. The corners of his eyes crinkled at her reaction, and before she could say anything else, he stepped even closer and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.
She closed her eyes, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver through her. âYouâre serious about this,â she whispered.
âCompletely,â he murmured against her hair. âIâm not afraid of starting over, not if itâs with you.â
For a moment, she let herself believe it could be possibleâthis crazy, impossible dream of theirs.
âWhen?â she asked softly.
âTomorrow,â he said, his voice full of quiet resolve. âAfter I sign the abdication papers.â
She pulled back slightly, looking up at him with wide, searching eyes. âAnd then what?â
He smiled, his expression both calm and full of determination. âAnd then we start the life weâve always wanted.â
She didnât want to be vulgar, she really didnât but she had to be honest.
She was shitting herself at the thought of being summoned into the Kingâs office with the entire family.
The office was uncharacteristically quiet, the usual hustle and bustle of the palace muffled by the thick doors. Charles sat at the massive oak desk, the official abdication papers spread out before him. Arthur stood off to the side, his arms crossed, watching the scene with a mix of bewilderment and unease while his parents stood by the desk with a clear look of disdain etched on their faces.
She stood near the doorway, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. She looked smaller than usual, her nerves evident in the way her fingers twisted together. Her wide eyes darted between Charles and the papers, the weight of the moment pressing down on all of them.
Arthur broke the silence first. âAre you sure about what youâre doing, Cha?â
Charlesâs pen hovered over the signature line, but he didnât answer immediately. Instead, he looked up at her. She met his gaze, and in that instant, the rest of the room faded away. The worry in her eyes, the way her lips pressed together as if she was holding back wordsâit was as if he was falling in love all over again.
âYou donât have to do this for me, Cha,â she said softly, her voice barely more than a whisper.
He smiled at her, then, without hesitation, he bent his head and signed his name in bold strokes across the paper.
The moment was electric, the scratch of the pen on parchment the only sound in the room. When he finally set the pen down, it felt as if the world had shifted, as if something monumental had been set into motion.
Arthur exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. âWell, there it is,â he muttered, his voice carrying a mixture of disbelief and resignation. âYouâre officially insane.â
Charles stood, his movements deliberate as he turned to face her. âGo back to your house,â he said, his voice steady but laced with an urgency that made her breath hitch. âPack your things. Tell your brother. Weâre leaving at six.â
Her eyes widened, her lips parting as if to protest, but before she could say a word, Arthur muttered something about needing air and slipped out of the room, leaving them alone, his parents following shortly behind.
The silence that followed was thick with tension, their gazes locked as the gravity of what had just happened sank in.
âYouâŠâ she began, her voice trembling. âYou really did it.â
âI did,â he said, stepping closer to her.
She opened her mouth to speak again, but before she could, he cupped her face gently in his hands. The world seemed to pause, the space between them charged with an intensity that neither of them could deny any longer.
And then he kissed her.
It was soft at first, tentative, as if he was savouring the moment he had dreamed of for so long. But when she leaned into him, her hands clutching his jacket as if to anchor herself, the kiss deepened, becoming a silent promise of everything they were about to face together.
When they finally pulled apart, her cheeks were flushed, her breathing uneven. He rested his forehead against hers, his hands still cradling her face.
âI love you,â he whispered, his voice low and full of emotion.
She blinked, her eyes shining as she searched his face. âI love you too,â she said softly, her voice breaking slightly. Because she did, she didnât know when she exactly fell in love with him. Maybe it was when he first came to her house and looked at it with wonder rather than judgement or maybe it was when they shared that intimate moment in the wardrobe.
He smiled, brushing a thumb across her cheek. âThen go,â he said. âPack your things. This time tomorrow, weâll be miles away from here. Together.â
She nodded, her resolve strengthening as she stepped back, her gaze lingering on him for a moment longer before she turned and slipped out of the office.
Charles stood there for a moment, the weight of what heâd just done settling in his chest. But for the first time in his life, he felt truly free.
the end.
#f1#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#formula 1#formula one#charles leclerc x female oc#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc angst#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc fanfic#cl16#cl16 x reader#cl16 imagine#cl16 x you#cl16 one shot#cl16 fic#cl16 x y/n#cl16 fanfic#ferrari formula one#ferrari formula 1#ferrari#ann speaks#ann talks#prince charles leclerc
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I think one of the many things wrong with Jinx this season is how like, half of her personality was cut off and thrown out.
Like her reaction to grief. We see her suicidal after Silcoâs death and sheâll be again very suicidal after Ishaâs death. Makes sense. Donât have notes on that part. However I have so much notes on her rage. In s1 we see Powder sometimes responding to bad situation by being shy and sad, but sometimes she reacts in a more adversarial way, like complaining they should try fighting Piltover or trying to stand up to Mylo. But we also get these moments like when sheâs left behind and has an absolute meltdown and starts wrecking shit but more importantly her reaction to Silco. He says theyâll show them all and she throws the audience the most rage fueled look youâve ever seen. When really pushed beyond her limits this is Powderâs emotional reaction to tragedy/being wronged. We see that all throughout acts II and III and we see it when she blows up the council after Silco dies. And thatâs the problem cos thatâs the part thatâs missing from s2. They cut her personality in half and only kept one half. Anger as part of her personality and reaction to grief was discarded when writing her in s2. Even tho she goes through a lot of grieving in s2.
Another example is Isha. Jinx prioritizing family and just chilling? Wanting affectionate interactions with family? Having an easier relationship with a younger family member cos there arenât any expectations or need to prove anything or gain anyoneâs attention? No fear of abandonment/betrayal? She just has this kid who hero worships her and follows her around like a puppy so no stress? No notes. However I have a lot of notes about Jinxâs paranoia and how not normal and possessive and toxic she is about relationships. And I have notes on the generational trauma. Where did all that go? Thatâs not how ppl work. Living in a messed up society and Silcoâs parenting wonât just evaporate like that cos Isha is just so overwhelmingly cute. Itâs more likely that Jinx would corrupt the kid. (which you could argue on paper she does cos the kid in the end thought that suicide was dope but why did the narrative frame it as this beautiful thing lol)
And on the topic of fighting Piltover where did âwe beat the enforcers with just the four of us imagine what the whole Lanes could doâ go? Jinx definitely prioritized family more but she wasnât neutral or indifferent on the Piltover matter. The enforcers wrong her/hurt her/threaten her family yet again, they kidnapped Isha, and she just acts panicked and sad, but also jokes and quips while on the mission. Whereâs the rage and hatred and desire for revenge on the ppl who wronged her? Sometimes itâs just ppl around her being mean or lying or smth, anyone could be her enemy, like Sevika, Silco or Vi, but a lot of the time itâs Piltover, they killed her parents, they were her fathersâ enemies and drove them to hate each other, they chased them as kids and tried to arrest them, they kidnapped and abused Vi in prison all her adolescence, they would have killed Vi so she blew up the whole blockade, Council tried to turn Silco against her and now heâs dead so she bombs them, all her life she can see that the quality of their life is bad bcos of Piltover, sheâs in Jayceâs apartment and immediately goes for the sandwich. Jinx doesnât come off as a very politically/ideologically motivated character but what happened to all her personal beef with Piltover?
They also inexplicably just ceased to write her fucking up all the time. what about her yâknow, being a jinx? In s1 even in acts II and III when she is proficient in fighting and bomb-making they still constantly show her being more of a burden and fucking up in other ways. While never explained (which was good) to me it came off as a symptom of trauma and being neurodivergent, like how ADHD kids canât escape the allegations that theyâre lazy, but on a meta level it did make it feel like she was supernaturally cursed. Part of what felt so profound and empowering about s1 finale and her embracing being jinx it that it was her embracing that sheâs different (and âwrongâ in some ways) and can never live a happy life in the society she lives in and so she lashes out. Now she just chills and nothing ever doesnât go her way (ig until Isha died but that wasnât even directly her fault, Isha just acted on her own choice and agency). Suddenly her mental issues donât exist or get in the way of her socializing and being a part of society. This bigoted, violent and unfair society.
Donât even get me started on her mannerisms. Remember how she would bite her lip? Iâm not sure if she does that even once in s2. âSister, thought I missed herâ??? let Jinx rhyme sometimes and in general say weird shit, not one-liners.
So the only way for the writers to have Jinx do nothing, heal up completely and just chill with a kid in her lair (and really everything else she does (or doesnât do) this season) is to get rid of half of her personality, the traits that would dictate she take action and feel wrath and lash out/hurt her loved ones in the process.
All of her tragic traits from s1 that made her Jinx were just erased, not changed throughout the course of an arc, absent from the get go, so that they can have her say that Jinx is dead and have it make sense in the context of s2 cos from her very first appearance is s2 this Jinx was devoid of pretty much all of her jinx-y character traits from s1.
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loved | percy jackson
አpercy jackson x daughter of ares! reader አwarnings: hurt/comfort! (for the ones that are so so angry) አwc: 720 this is clearly about me guys
âPercy, you donât understand!âÂ
Her shouts shattered the silence of the forest; the birds seemed to have fled the moment they arrived, and the forest nymphs hid within their trees, unwilling to get involved.
âYouïżœïżœre right!â His voice was edged with frustration and anger as he followed her, but instead of looking threatening, he looked almost pitiable. "I donât!"
There was a raw, painful gleam in his eyes, one she chose to ignore -although it proved her point.
âWhy canât you talk to me? Tell me what is wrong, please.â He begged. âI love you.â
No.Â
Not those words.Â
They were precisely the ones she didnât want to hear.Â
The weight they pressed onto her chest was overwhelming, and she didnât think she could bear it any longer.Â
He was the sweetest and kindest boy in camp, effortlessly funny and charming with everyone âhow could someone like him love someone like her?
âThatâs the thing.â Her fists clenched tightly at her sides, crescent-shaped marks forming in her palms. Her lips pressed into a thin line as she stopped to turn toward him. âYou canât love me!âÂ
And he flinched. He fucking flinched at her.
But she didnât care.
âIâm mean! Iâm mean, and violent, and aggressive. Iâm insecure, quiet, narcissistic. I have anger issues, stupids outbursts, I curse all the fucking the time! Iâm not-â She took a deep breath, trying to quell the anger boiling inside her.
She was unlovable.
âPercy, I canât make you happy. I donât know how you expect this-â She gestured toward the space between them, which seemed to close with each tentative step he took. â-to work, I am not good for y-â
âDonât you dare finish that sentence.âÂ
Now it was her turn to flinch as he stepped closer, his hands gripping her shoulders firmly.Â
He was staring into her eyes as if he could see right through her, peeling back her defenses to uncover the truth she kept hidden âsomething she sensed he had been doing for far too long.Â
âDonât tell me whatâs good for me or not.â
She could only stay silent.
What else could she do with that sight in front of her? A sight that wasnât made for her, that felt so foreign for her. Â
Those green eyes looked at her with a love she was sure she didnât deserve, and those hands brushed against her skin as if they could see something good within her that she had buried.
âI know you, and I know how you feel. Like you donât deserve the good things that happen to you, like youâre not good enough, like youâre a burden in everyone elseâs life." One of his hands moved to cup her cheek. "Like you are a bad person.âÂ
She almost laughed; well, he was really laying bare her entire life with his words.Â
âI donât know who made you think all of that, but please, Iâm begging you, donât believe them.â
âThat's the thing,â Percy leaned closer to her to show he was paying attention, but it was almost impossible to get any closer. âNo one said anything; I just know it.â
As she closed her eyes, he observed her. Before him stood his favorite person in the world, unraveling before his eyes.
And he couldnât stand to see it happen.
âYou are the purest person in the whole world. From the first moment I saw you, I was wrapped around your finger. My mother is tired of hearing your name, my room is fed up with me sprawled out, holding your photo, and my mind is consumed by thoughts of you âthere is no space for anything else. âÂ
The words flowed from his lips as if they were the most natural thing in the world, and the effect they had on her was overwhelming.
She felt the boyâs hands on her face, gently wiping away the tears she didn't know were there âhe knew how much she hated being seen while crying.
When she finally dared to open her eyes, something clicked inside her as she was met with the prettiest shade of green.
She had never felt this way in her life, so free, so safe.
And despite the fear swirling within her, she wanted to try âto try with him.
âYou are not mean, you are not a bad person, you are not something that is wrong."
His hands were so, so soft on her cheeks that she could've died.
But she didn't; she felt more alive than ever.
"You live, you act and you feel so, so much. You donât have to be perfect to be loved, you have to be you. That would be enough for me.â She smiled at him, momentarily at a loss for words.
In response, she leaned in closer, pressing a soft, salty kiss to his lips.Â
And she felt like she deserved it, like it was meant to happen. And maybe it was.
She felt so, so loved.
hi!! this is how i feel daily lately and i am so scared of telling someone! but i hope you like it!
#percy jackson x reader#percy jackson#pjo x reader#percy jackson x you#fanfic#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson x y/n#percy jackson imagines
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May I suggest a lady beast peak lord (handles beasts of burden and livestock + whatever the fuck LQQ drags home that's still alive) for the achievement ?? Possibly with the name Wu Qingfang?
And here we are, welcome my friend to the possession of Airplane, we can't escape him and he can't stop mixing up his peak lords, apparently DUSHSKDJSKD
And the moment I've seen your ask I fell in love with her aaaaa a woman that takes no shit from all the other lords PLUS can handle Liu-shidi nonsense? HELL YESS HERE WE GO
BTW thank you for her lovely name! :D I hope you like her as much as I enjoyed writing this!
Another thanks to everyone in this post that helped me with the name for the Long-Leg Kicking Pouch Hare creature, you guys are amazing! â€ïž
The peak name I've borrowed from @00janeblonde's fanfic FAQ that you can find here!
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One curious thing that might pass unnoticed by many was the proximity of An Ding peak with Ling You peak. After all, there was no logistics without the transportation, and there was no transportation without animals to pull carriages.
There was also the feeding of the entire Sect. All the dairy, the eggs, and the meat were under Ling You peak responsibility, while the logistics to who sent what fell under An Ding scope.
So Shang Qinghua walking around Ling You peak was a pretty common sight, especially when he had to bring a gift or another when one of the An Ding disciples fucked up a delivery.
It was one of those days, apparently, because Wu Qingfang had barely set foot outside her private quarters when Shang Qinghua turned up on her path, a pile of paper in one hand, a basket on the other, the suspicious smell of honey filling the air, making her stomach grumble.
"What did you do?" she didn't hesitate to pass by him. She had spent the past night organizing a hunt to find a batch of goats that had escaped their sheds after a disciple with their head on the clouds had left the latch lose, she was not in the mood for more trouble.
"Can't a Shixiong visit his favorite Shimei?" he turned on his heels to follow her, making the pressure on Wu Qingfang's head get tighter. Whatever it was, it was bad for him to bring bribes so soon in their little game.
"Oh please," she sent him a glare over her shoulder. "Everyone knows your favorite is Mu Qingfang, don't play coy with me."
"Okay, yes, he is my favorite shidi, but you are my favorite shimei!" he insisted and with quick steps they were walking shoulder to shoulder, the basket filled with sweets being swigged back and forth in front of her. "Wu-shimei please, I swear is not that bad, I just need to send a carriage to Hua Hua palace-"
"Hua Hua- Why?!" The sound of her shoes scraping the ground was too loud for the soft morning, but she couldn't help to turn around and stare at him in surprise. A tripe long like that would take weeks to prepare! "What could you possibly want with those people?!"
And she hated that it kinda worked when he blinked his big brown eyes at her, pulling back the cloth covering the basket, the sweet scent of melon making her mouth water. She squinted her eyes at him, too stubborn to let him win so quickly. Especially when the last time Shang-Shixiong had pulled a stunt like that, she had lost three good horses.
"A little bird told me that they got their hands on a very rare flower, and I need it for Shen-Shixiong-"
"Oh I see how it is," she rolled her eyes, turning her back to him again to keep walking to her office. "You fucked up and now you want my help to get back on his good graces."
"Shimei, pleaseee," he whined, pouting so hard it was a miracle his lips didn't get stuck like that. "I miss our go games and I even don't know why he's so angry at me!"
She snorted in the most unlady manner, rolling her eyes. She knew damn well what he did, in fact the entire Sect did. Or better, who he did. But if Shang-Shixiong was going to play coy, she wasn't going to be the one to burst his bubble. And with a glint in her eyes she took a sharp turn to the left, away from the main building. He wanted to pull this nonsense on her? Fine. He might as well fight for it and help her take care of a very special animal first.
They arrived at the stables after a few minutes of walking and Shang-Shixiong whining about his very hard life. Wu Qingfang ignored it all, taking the papers and basket from his hands to shove an apron on his arms, feeling a little smug to see him fumble to not make it fall on the ground.
"I'll think about it, first you have to help me with her," she said as she pointed her thumb at the last stall where a huge form laid on its side. It was one of the few stalls that had iron bars all over, looking more like a cage.
"Uh." Shang Qinghua took a cautionary step back when he noticed the huge beast behind bars, a nervous chuckle escaping his throat. "What- what is that?"
The that in question had the form of a huge hare, the size of at least two tall men when standing on its feet. It could run on his lower legs and use its upper paws to punch and attack. It was a ferocious thing with poisonous fangs and claws, with a thick fur that shined brown during spring and pure white during winter.
It was one of the most beautiful beasts Wu Qingfang had ever seen, and she wished she could hug it until it made noise.
"Oh she is a Long-Leg Kicking Pouch Hare!" she said after a quick pause to decide where put Shang-Shixiong's things, dropping it on top of a block of hay before grabbing an apron for herself. "Liu-shidi said that she attacked him on his last hunt, but she was already too hurt. So he brought her to me to see if I could help."
"I-Is it safe for her to be here?!" Shang Qinghua squeaked, hiding behind one of the empty stalls.
"Oh, dont be silly, she's sweetheart!" Wu Qingfang gushed as she opened the stall, pulling Shang-Shixiong by his wrist. "Come, she's still sleeping from last night meds, and I need to change her wrappings."
He stared at her as if she had gone mad. She didn't mind thought, she knew that the only other peak lord that shared her enthusiasm for animals was Liu-shidi.
With needles ready, she let go of Shang Qinghua to puncture the beast in the right places to keep her sleeping. After that was just a matter of checking vitals, cleaning up her wounds, and applying some salve. By the look on her belly, she might have a litter soon, so Wu Qingfang wanted to release her before she gave birth, or the little stall would be too cramped. Not to mention how protective the mother would become, too dangerous to be kept.
Surprisingly enough, when he realized the Kicking Hare wasn't going to wake up and eat him, Shang Qinghua was really helpful. He wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty, only making a funny face when the Hare's belly moved when the babies adjusted themselves.
They worked quickly, and in no time Kicking Hare was all wrapped up in clean bandages, the soft smell of salve mixing up with alcohol and wet fur. They put the aprons away, and Wu Qingfang was satisfied enough with Shang Qinghua's help to consider his request. And she was ready to get her sweets and tell him that she would help him with Shen-Shixiong bad humor when-
A loud noise of something extremely heavy hitting the ground reached them both making the stable walls tremble, followed by a grunt that Wu Qingfang would recognize anywhere.
They stepped outside to meet Liu Qingge next to a huge type of lizard, covered in dirt and blood.
Wu Qingfang didn't even blink. After Shang Qinghua, Liu Qingge was the other peak lord that would barge into Ling You peak as if it were his second house, but for entirely different reasons. Usually involving huge monsters laying dead in front of Wu Qingfang's doors, ready to be butchered and harvested. Or, like Long-Leg Kicking Pouch Hare, he would bring life beasts, creatures that gained his respect for being good fighters. And Wu Qingfang would care for each of them before setting them back to freedom.
Interestingly though, she didn't remember any other occasion when they have met each other in her peak. Which meant she had never seen them interacting outside peak meetings before. Not to say she couldn't notice how hard Liu-shidi was blushing, doing his best to fix his ponytail, while Shang-Shixiong looked at him from head to toe, his qi warming up the air around him.
Men, as subtle as a thunder hippo in a storm.
"Shidi," she stepped in front of the War God, forcing him to look at her. "What brings you here so soon?"
Having being snapped from whatever was his glaring contest with Shang-Shixiong, he went back to his practical self, hands on his back with feet parallel to his shoulders in a ready stance.
"I came here to deliver my last hunt and request Wu-shijie to lend me her tools so I can clean it up."
"Is that a Southern Fire Komodo?" Shang Qinghua approached the creature, staying a good few steps away from it just in case. Although it looked pretty dead by the pool of bright blue blood coagulating around it.
Apparently Liu-shidi was able to control himself this time, only his very visible ears turning beet red as he shuffled his feet. Still he made himself nod at Shang-Shixiong's question, then going on to explain what were his plans for the skin and the meat. It never ceased to amuse Wu Qingfang how Liu-shidi would eat everything he hunted down, at least once.
It gave Mu Qingfang several white hairs, so it made her giggle a little too much.
"- and for the bones I was thinking of using it to craft into a staff. They're very strong."
"You should give some to Wei-Shixiong, I bet he could carve a nice handle for a sword out of it."
"I hate to interrupt the flow of ideas, Shixiong, Shidi, but to make it all happen, first you have to harvest it," and she was being sincere about it, the past minutes have been fascinating to watch Shang-Shixiong get closer and closer to Liu-Shidi as the War God puffed out his chest like a proud bird showing off his catch. "Come, Shidi, I wasn't expecting you, so I have to see if Wen Rong has finished using my knives."
"I better get going then," Shang Qinghua turned to give her a little bow, batting his eyelashes at her one last time. "Will shimei consider my request?"
"I'll return your basket with my answer, Shixiong," she smiled sweetly at him, going to join Liu-shidi who was already a few steps ahead.
The sound of hissing made the three peak lords freeze, and the sound of whipping made them jump into action, hands going to their swords. But even on the brink of death, the Komodo creature was faster than lightning, using its tail to sweep at the cultivators with vengeance.
Actually, sweep at Shang Qinghua, the one close enough to be hit by it.
The following seconds seemed to pass as if they were under a slowing spell. There was a whizz on Wu Qingfang's ears as Shang Qinghua jumped on his sword to fly over the Komodo's tail. When she thought she would be able to catch her breath, Shang Qinghua grabbed the handle of his blade, twisting his body in a flurry of fabric, using his weight to stab the creature right on its belly. Blood splattered everywhere, painting yellow An Ding robes in electric blue as Shang Qinghua dragged his sword all the way to the Komodo's neck, the warm stank of viscera hanging in the air.
"Holy shit," she heard Liu-shidi mumble next to her, snapping her out of her surprise.
"Shixiong!" She screamed as she rushed towards him, almost slipping on all the blood. "Shixiong are you okay?!"
"I'm fine!" the squeak came from somewhere next to the head of the beast, so Wu Qingfang went around the mess to avoid dirtying herself as well. She found him lying on the ground, an arm covering his face while his other hand grasped firmly on his sword, the blade so deep inside the creature she could barely see the handle.
"Shidi! Go call Mu Qingfang-"
"Nooo!" he went to pull her robes, cursing as he realized that he had messed up her clothes. "Shimei, no, please, I'm fine, promise!" and to prove his point he stood up in a quick jump, giving her a twirl. "See? Nothing broken, not even a scratch! Please don't bother Mu-shidi, please?"
And once again he blinked his big brown eyes, and even though he was drenched in blood, she couldn't help but sigh.
"So uh..." Liu-shidi said after cleaning up his throat, pulling their attention to him. "Should I call Mu Qingfang or...?"
And in a snap of fingers, Shang Qinghua took over the situation, putting himself between Wu Qingfang and Liu Qingge.
"No need, no need, Liu-shidi. Why don't you go fetch Wu-shimei's head disciple to grab her knives and take care of this mess?" He said as he put his hand on Liu Qingge's lower back, gently moving him away from them. "I'm fine, Wu-shimei will let me clean up and she will keep an eye on me, won't you, shimei?"
She seriously considered shoving him back on the puddle of blood, just for putting her on the spot like this. But she apparently had a case of weak knees when Shang-Shixiong dropped his voice all honey sweet.
She couldn't let him find out or she would be in serious trouble.
"Right, please Liu-shidi, go talk to Wen Rong, he will help you. I'll take care of Shang-Shixiong in case the blood has any poison."
Shang Qinghua kept nodding his head like a silly doll but lowered his voice to mumble something on Liu Qingge's ear along the lines of "I'll teach you later." Wu Qingfang couldn't see Liu-shidi's face, but she could see the back of his neck red as peppers.
"Shixiong," she called with a wave of her hand, pausing only to get his things left in the stables to guide him towards her private quarters. On the way, she pulled a disciple to request a bath and clean clothes.
It took a few minutes to get everything ready, time that she used to examine Shang Qinghua's eyes and tongue, checking for any signs of poisoning. She found nothing, but better safe than sorry.
"You bath is ready, go," she gently shoved him to the next room. "The clothes are there as well, if you feel anything scream. Understood?"
"Yes, shimei," he said with a smile over his shoulder. Then it was a game of waiting, with Wu Qingfang pretending not to be worried sick while Shang Qinghua took his sweet time. To occupy herself, she went over her cabinets for all types of antidotes she could find, on top of requesting at least three types of tea. It wouldn't hurt to be prepared.
Honestly, she was about to bust into the room property be damned when he finally stepped out.
She had misjudged his size entirely. The robes were too small, the fabric taut over his shoulders, the tight sleeves of her peak uniform showing off strong arms capable of carrying weights upon weights all day. No wonder his sword had cut thick scaly skin like butter.
She refused to lower her gaze to his legs, forcing herself to stare at his face framed by his wavy hair. She had only seen it down at formal peak meetings, even so the strands had been pulled away from his face.
He looked younger like this. Softer.
"This Shixiong thanks his shimei for her hospitality," he said with a formal bow. "I hope you don't mind me being so forward, but I used a bit of your hair oil."
"Not- Don't worry about it," she blinked several times, trying not to think of him dressed up in her colors and with her perfume all over him. She was the Beast keeper but she wasn't a beast herself! She had self-control!! "Come, I got you some tea, and some pills for you to take, just in case."
Shang Qinghua didn't say anything, letting himself be fussed over, eyes crinkling in a poorly hidden smile. See if she gets worried about him again!
And to knock the smile off his face she decided that a little needling would do him good. "I didn't know you and Liu-shidi were intimate," she casually dropped as her form of petty revenge, doing her best to appear innocent as Shang Qinghua choked on his bitter tea.
"Who- What? No, uh, we just-"
"Shixiong," she made an effort to say it as kindly as possible, to show him she wasn't going to tease him. Much. "You are aware the entire Sect has eyes, correct?"
"O-of course I know that, what type of question-"
"So you know everyone already noticed you getting Sect Leaders left and right wrapped around your fingers. Right?"
He coughed a bit more, eyes so wild she was afraid they might pop out of his face. He opened and closed his mouth like fish, his blush making her want to squeeze his face.
She took a sip of her own tea, nothing like the nasty dirt water Shang Qinghua was being made to drink, as she considered how to break down the news to him.
Should she be the one to tell him about his reputation? Or should her just mention how the head disciples were running a ridiculously high bet on who would be the next Peak Lord to fall for Shang Qinghua charms? It was tempting to let him figure it out for himselfâŠ
Or.
Or she could get herself a little something out of the situation as well.
"Shang-Shixiong,â she sighed as she put her cup down, crossing her hands over her lap as she gave him a look up and down. âI know your friendship is not as deep as yours with Mu-shidi,â she couldn't resist giving him a knowing look that made his blush deepen and avoid her eyes. âBut I consider ourselves friends enough that I can speak plainly.â
â... O-Of course, shimei.â
âGood. Now, with all due respect, for the past year or so I've seen you flirt your way to get Zhangmen-Shixiong and Shen-Shixiong into having a calm discussion without tears and blood for an hour. Itâs also worth mentioning how things have been less explosive on Wan Jian peak, and!â She raised her voice slightly the moment he opened his mouth to protest. âIâve just seen you pull Liu-shidi by his waist. And he seemed to like it.â
He scratched the side of his face, once again looking everywhere but her eyes. She knew he wasnât embarrassed, she had seen him truly embarrassed before, but she could see he didnât know what to do with her knowledge of his romantic affairs.
âIâm not scolding you, I hope you understand that,â she said after a quick pause, ignoring the tug at her heart when he turned his big puppy eyes at her. âIâm just wondering what you are trying to achieve with all this⊠And if you would be interested in joining the betting poll.â
That made him snap his eyes back at her faster than Shen Qingqiu opening his fan to ignore Zhangmen-Shixiong. âWait, thereâs a betting poll?â
âOh ShixiongâŠâ she tsk at his lack of foresight, shaking her head slightly. âOf course thereâs a betting poll. This has been the most exciting thing to happen since last recruitment.â
He let out a small âHuhâ of surprise, crossing his arms (crossing his arms which she was not looking at, definitely not- as he bit the corner of his thumb. He got quiet for a good while, eyebrows frowning as his eyes darted side to side in the face she had seen him doing when he got caught trying to figure out big numbers.
âBefore you ask, Iâm not going to give away my mole,â she said as she popped one of the small cakes he had brought her that morning, the crunchy melon seeds mixed with honey giving her something delicious to chew on while he scrambled to figure out how all that had happened behind his back.
âOkay, fair. But, Shimei, what exactly is everyone betting on?â
âA couple of things,â she took another small cake, amused as he leaned forward, as if she was about to tell him the hottest gossip he has ever heard. Technically it was true, so she couldnât blame his curiosity. âThereâs a bet about you sleeping with all the peak lords and ladies. That one is not as high as it could be because, well, itâs known that some peak lords and lady wouldnât be interested. And then thereâs a second bet, involving who is the next peak lord that is going to fall for your tricks-â
âTricks?! Iâm not-â
âShh, and thereâs another one about when is Mu-shidi going to actually confess his love for you and stop your flirting ways-â
âNow, hold on for a second-â
âAnd finally thereâs a bet among a select group of Peak Leaders on who is going to seduce you before you seduce them.â
âOh my Heavens. Is this Wei-Shixiong doing? It has his fingers all over it, I can feel it.â
âI donât know, Shixiong, but between the two of us, you would be the one knowing how Wei-Shixiong hands feel, I guess.â
âShimei!â
She just shrugged, unbothered by his hypocritical sense of shame. âDo you want to get your carriage to Hua Hua palace or not?â she asked before he could start scolding her. Not that would do much, she had seen him too many times out of his mind after spending weeks without sleep to take him that seriously.
He paused, biting the corner of his lip, and if she squinted her eyes hard enough she would see his brain working the pros and cons.
âOkay, what do you suggest?â
She clapped her hands to clean the crumbles out of her fingers, giving him a honeyed smile.
âYou help win one over Wei-Shixiong and spread the rumor that we are going to spend a lot of time together. Then Wen Rong will bet on my name next round. In exchange I will get your carriage to Hua Hua Palace so you can jump back on Shen-Shixiong bed.â
âHmmâŠâ Shang Qinghua kept playing with his empty cup of tea, wobbling it left and right. During her little speech he kept stealing glances of her, head tilted to the side. She was starting to get nervous, reaching for another cake just to do something with her hands when he grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her hand closer, eating the cake from her fingers.
Her entire brain went blank and suddenly she could only smell honey, jasmine and the bitter tea from his cup, her heart stuttering to a stop.
âIsnât shimei curious, though?â he asked against her thumb, licking the crumbs on it before kissing the palm of her hand. âShimei has called it so many things, tricks, spell⊠Even so, I have seen shimei looking at me after my bathâŠâ
She should stand up and send him away, money and pettiness damned. Yes, they have been flirting for the past months, but she refused to be just another mark on his list. She shouldnât be considering his shameless suggestion but a voice that sounded suspiciously like Wei-Shixiong whispered in her ear that if the rumor was to be out and about, why not have a taste of the real thing for herself? Why not enjoy the strength of his hands on her waist like Liu-shidi did just hours before, why not push him to his limits and see what he was capable of?
It was as if he was reading her mind, because Shang Qinghua wasted no time in pulling her hand closer, kissing the inside of her wrist. He kept pressing soft kisses up her arm and when the table got in the way he slid it to the side so he could pull her by her waist, moving her hair to the side so he could caress her cheek, giving her no time to think, no time to breath-
âTell me, Shimei, was it jealousy in your eyes when you saw me touching Liu-Shidi? Did you want it to be you?â
She wanted to scream no, because she didnât! She really didnât!! But she couldnât deny how she wished he had lowered his voice to her, making promises of later encounters.
But to admit that would be giving in too easily.
âOne cannot be jealous of one that doesnât belong to them, Shixiong,â she made herself say instead, keeping her eyes forward to not fall for his tricks, biting the inside of her cheek to hold back a gasp when he pressed his nose against her neck.
âOh, is that it? Do you want me to belong to you, Shimei?â and then he dared to kiss her shoulder over her robes. The heat of his mouth hadnât even touched her sensitive skin and she was already trembling, mouth dry. âSo does it make you happy to see me in your colors? Or maybe is the scent of your perfume all over me that makes you shiver?â
Oh he was a demon. He was a demon that knew too well how to read her, how to make it impossible to not fall into temptation. She looked at him, swallowing dry at the sight of his hair curling softly around his face, still wet from his bath. And those damned soft brown eyes, staring at her as if he could see her desire written all over her soul, the most annoying smirk on his lips. She wanted to bite, she wanted to squish his face until he was pouting again, she wanted for him to pin her down, she wanted to fight him and lose-
He pounced and she let herself be caught, tangling her hands on his soft hair, pulling him closer until he was pressing her down the floor. He moved as if he needed to devour her entirely, biting and sucking the thin skin of her throat, marking her just like she wished to mark him.
âS-Shixiong-â she gasped, her hands going down on his back, nails catching in the folds of the fabric as she desperately tried to hang on as he bit down her clavicle hard enough to sting. He licked the bruise on her tanned skin and she melted, a sigh escaping her lips as he pushed her robes to the side, scraping his teeth over plump skin, teasing a bite that never came, both of them pausing at the loud sound of fabric being torn apart.
âI think-â Shang Qinghua said against her chest, voice muffled by her robes. âI think I just ripped my pants.â
A giggle bubbled out of her lips as she realized the ridiculous situation they were both in. And it should ruin the mood, laughter filling the air instead of the previous moans, but she realized she actually liked the lightness of it. It was mostly for the bet but it was fun, especially when she noticed his warm smile as he admired her with mussed up hair and ruffled clothes.
âNow, I would love to make good on my word here and now, but I believe my favorite shimei deserves a better treatment than her office floor where anyone could walk on us,â he said as he took her hand again, biting the tip of her finger.
âI think I agree,â she answered with a gasp and a nod, carefully taking her hand away from his mouth to sit down and pull him to a sweet kiss before dragging him to her rooms, their laughter becoming moaning once more.
â------
âYe Ling.â
âWen Rong,â she gave him a nod, not bothering to raise her eyes from her thick notebook filled with notes, not even when he set a big bag of coins next to her wet stone.
âI came to make a bet.â
Still she didnât look at him, putting her brush down to open the bag and count the money. She did raise her eyebrows at the amount, though. This might have been all his savings. Or he had a patreon.
Considering who his shizun wasâŠ
âBetting on your own peak lord or lady is against the rules.â
âWhat?! But Ming Fan made a bet on Shen-shishu three days ago!â
âAnd then he was made to pay back all the money he won when I found out he had set Shen-shishu to have a private meeting with Shang-Shizun.â She said as she pushed the money back on his bag, dangling it in front of him so he could catch it. âHence why we made the rule. Don't blame me, blame Qing Jing peak for not being smart enough.â
Thank Heavens he didn't try to fight, grabbing his pouch and turning around to leave the small room she had been using as headquarters for her operation. More like a closet, actually, she thought as she glared at the broom resting next to her on the wall.
It was his heavy footsteps that made her look up again, frowning at the other head disciple.
âShidi, rules are rules-â
âI want to make a new bet.â And she could see by his own surprised look that he was bluffing. She felt a twitch of pity for him, Wu-shishu was a scary woman, to go back to her with empty hands would be the same as asking to clean the stables for months.
âI want to bet on him finding out,â he kept talking and the mere thought of it sent all her hairs up. She would be in so much trouble it wasn't even funny, she would be so dead Shizun would send her to work on a faraway farm and-
âDo you know something?â
âI don't know,â he crossed his arms, too smug for someone who had been just sent away with their tail between their legs. âBut I need to make a bet and this is my choice. I bet that Shang-shishu will find out about the bets before next month.â
She wanted to say no, to send him away again, but that would be the same as calling herself a coward. She glanced at the pouch on his hand and then at him, giving her brush a good bite before sighing in defeat.
âAlright, one bet in the name of Wen Rong: Shang Qinghua will find out about the betting before next month. Your bet will be added to the poll.â
âThank you,â he said as he dropped the money on her improvised desk. âSee you next month, shijie!â And then he walked away, closing the door behind himself.
âSee you next month, shijie,â she mumbled as she made a face, then showed her tongue at the door. Her anger was short lived though, the weight of his words hitting her fully.
âOh God, I'm so dead.â She whispered at no one, groaning as she hid her face between her hands.
Time was ticking, and now she had a month to find a way to tell her shizun about her little scheme.
------------
I did it!! The fic curse fought me tooth and nail but I finished!!!
And with more disciples shenanigans!!! jsbskdnsnd :D
I was so tempted to make Mobei-Jun show up behind Ye Ling and scare the shit out of her yall have no idea fjsbakdnakdn but that would be throwing another character for me to deal with, so no Mobei-Jun............ Yet
Next on the list is Divination Peak! :D I have an idea, Wikipedia links and a dream of surviving the end of the semester, so it might take a moment but I'm gonna finish this!!!
BTW, there are still two slots open for peak lords/ladies! If you want to suggest a name and a peak, please do!
And here is the masterpost of this AU
Thank you so much for giving this a read!!! It makes me so so happy to see you guys enjoying this, you have no idea <3
That's it for today folks! See you on Peak 9/12!!!
#scum villian self saving system#svsss#shang qinghua#sqh 12/12 achievement#sqh gotta catch them all#Wu Qingfang (beast peak lady)#once again this has gotten out of my control#aaaaaaaa#but I hope yall like it â€ïž
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ok Iâm gonna bitch a little bit but Iâm not going to feel bad about it bc I believe being a lover and a hater in equal measure is the key to balance or whatever.
I saw this image on Pinterest and it was the final straw for me lol. I canât STAND this kind of interpretation of The Hobbit or Bagginshield/Thilbo because itâs so blatantly untrue. Yes, Bilbo dealt with a LOT of sadness and loneliness. Yes, he was forever changed by his journey and didnât have the proper ways to heal and cope. But Bilbo DID move onwards. Of course he remembered Thorin and was always sad about losing him and KĂli and FĂli, and of course he still dealt with the trauma from all of that, but he wasnât dwelling on that loss every day after he got back home. He became a social outcast not because he was mourning but because he went on an adventure at all. He could have had the happiest and non-tragic adventure in Middle Earth and he still would have ended up as âcrackedâ Bilbo Baggins because of the way hobbit society views that sort of behavior. He was sad for a very long time after Thorinâs death, stated directly from the book, but the implication there is that Bilbo DID eventually begin to heal and move forward. He found happiness in things again, he wasnât wailing every night for his lost love, he was doing exactly what Thorinâs last request was, that Bilbo live his life well. Bilbo wasnât alone forever eitherâ Frodo came into his life as a like-minded companion and Bilbo clearly enjoyed having him around (and it wasnât because Frodo reminded him of Thorin. I donât mind people saying that Frodo had similarities Bilbo noticed but putting that as the only connection and draw for Bilbo towards Frodo feels like such a disservice to the true depth of Bilbo and Frodoâs relationship). When the Ring began to affect him, he was able to let it go and left to see as much as he could of his old adventures (it IS sad that he couldnât make it to the Lonely Mountain but that doesnât cancel out what he WAS able to get to) and reunited with quite a few of his old dwarvish companions. He was sobered by the realization of the true nature of his magic ring and, after Frodo volunteers (and Bilbo is prevented from going bc he was going to try) he is saddened that someone so close to him must deal with the burden of something he felt he started, but he stayed in Rivendell safe and taken care of until Frodo returned, and was happy to reunite with him. Bilbo then spent a few years in his advanced age but well taken care of and honored, and then got to have one final adventure. His story isnât miserable, and it does have an end, eventually, even despite his own fears that it wouldnât. I love Bagginshield and I acknowledge the sadness and tragedy in Bilboâs story, but acting like he had nothing good in his life and the adventure was the single worst thing to ever happen to him is such a gross misunderstanding of not only The Hobbit but Lord of the Rings that it makes me wonder if these people care about the actual characters and not just the âfandomâ characters and stories they have in their head. Yes it was a tragedy that Thorin and Bilbo were parted in such a way, but making his story freeze right there isnât fair to either of them! It feels similar to that popular fandom ship thing where people begin to act like romantic and sexual love is the only relevant aspect of any characters relationships and interactions, and center every single thing around a âshipâ instead of engaging with the characters entire worlds and why their relationships are interesting beyond tropes and aus. Bilbo did get to live a good and simple life!! I like tragedy, I wouldnât be a fan of two of the most miserable characters in Tolkienâs legendarium if I didnât, but not everything has to be that way, and it flattens the effect of the story to reduce things to only sadness.
Iâm not sure how to sign off on this one, but hopefully this doesnât come across like Iâm a party pooper who hates fandom. I really donât, I greatly enjoy participating in fandom and I donât mind some trope work or aus being built from the original story, but when people begin to willfully twist said original story in ways it wasnât meant to be simply because they only really care about two characters in a ship instead of the greater narrative. It feels like it disrespects who these characters are on their own, like theyâre lesser when theyâre not paired up, if that makes sense. Anyway, Iâve seen the sentiment about Bilboâs life being nothing but misery after his adventure quite a few times now and I wanted to say something, even if itâs just for me, although Iâm curious if anyone has anything to add or a different perspective to bring.
TLDR: Bilbo was happy and lived a good life! Let him have that! He had friends and family around him that supported him and cared about him and he did have a conclusion to his story, however long it took. Losing Thorin doesnât mean Bilbo has nothing else.
#bilbo baggins#frodo baggins#thorin oakenshield#bagginshield#the hobbit#sorry if this comes across stern or intimidating or anything like that Iâm not like. mad at anyone I just feel defensive for Bilbo#and for the story being misinterpreted in such a way. The Hobbit isnât supposed to be the âno happy endingsâ story. neither is LOTR
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tumblr hates women and wont let me post from my inbox pls enjoy this clunky screenshot i hate my life
Summary: The gang comforting youngersister!reader after she gets cheated on. Warnings: cheating, bad ex Author's note: forgive me ladies of seperate headcannons, i am doing it all in one fic im soooo slleeeepyy </3, also forgive me lady haters of y/n and all the weird bf/n thingys i literally do not know what to call this evil ex boyfriend im not ramona flowers i am so sorry.
Tears dropped past your eyes like pearls. You wiped them hastily as you walked along the street, hugging the curb and praying it was just a little warmer. Your shivering breath came out in cold fog and your lashes were cold with fresh tears. You're not usually in a state like this, shaken and crying, walking alone on the street near night, but your boyfriend of 1 year just cheated on you with his 'girl that got away', and as much as you wanted to be cozied up right now, the thought of being alone for another night struck you deep down. You dragged your feet walking to the Curtis's house, you would rather die than burden the sweetest family in town with your silly tears, but you craved their comfort. When you got there, the TV was still on, the familiar voice of Mickey Mouse putting a soft smile on your lips. Two-Bit must be there, he'd surely make you laugh. You knocked lightly, knuckles gently tapping on the worn wood of their door. "Hello?" You called, peeking your head in. To your shock, the whole gang was there, wrapped up in blankets and snacking on food like a girly sleepover. You giggled and Sodapop looked up. "Hey, Y/n!" He smiled warmly at you. The rest of the gang followed in a chorus of 'hello's and 'hi's. You waved, slightly turning to see the TV screen. The light of the television caught your tear stained cheeks. "Oh, Y/n, what's wrong?" Johnny asked, concern etched onto his face. "Hm?" You asked, looking up, momentarily forgetting about your past woes until you were met with worried eyes from everyone in the room, (except Dallas, who's gaze was still as hard as steel). Your hand moved to your cheek, lightly swiping over the tear-tracks, trying to remove the stain from your skin, erase the issues, sink into ignorance. Darry got up and handed you a tissues and then Pony followed, giving you a side hug. Your eyes welled with tears. "What's wrong, Y/n?" Steve repeated, getting up and patting your back lightly. You blinked, but the tears fell anyways. "My..boyfriend, he cheated on me," You said, inbetween sobs. Pony hugged you tighter, his actions compensation for his lack of words. "Oh, kid," Darry said affectionately, a sad smile on his lips as he pushed your hair from your face. Steve led you to the middle of the room, the center of the blankets, and the perfect spot in front of the TV. Two-Bit moved over to make room for you. As soon as you sat, the rest of the gang jumped to comfort you. Two-Bit covered your shoulders with blankets and Sodapop ran to get your favorite drinks. Johnny lightly wrapped his arm around your shoulder, rubbing soothing circles into your skin. Dallas, however, sat on the couch, flipping his favorite switchblade, face unmoving. "What was your boyfriend's name again?" Dallas asked, out of the blue. Two-Bit turned to him, eyebrow raised. "That's not ominous at all.." He retorted, making you laugh slightly. He grinned to himself at pulling a laugh from you. "Ex..and his name is Bf/n" You bit your lip at the thought of him. So much time, and effort, and love that just disappeared. You whispered a 'thank you' to Ponyboy who handed you a warm mug of Darry's famous hot cocoa. "Bf/n? Really? That guy..." Dallas said, eyes never moving from the gleam of his blade. "You're freaking me out, man" Sodapop laughed. "No, I just mean...well I've fought the guy before, he's nothing special." Dallas looked up and shrugged. "You gotta get better at choosin' your men, kid." "Yeah, that sounds real smart coming from you," You rolled your eyes, the weight on your shoulders finally easing a bit. "Yeah, Dal' you're not exactly Cupid," Steve joked. "Better than you and that one chick down at the town fair," Dally retorted and you giggled at the memories. As the guys chattered over eachother, Darry came back and sat down, placing more blankets over you. "Hey, do you need something else?" Johnny asked, quietly, his voice underneath all the chatter but still the most prominent to you. You shook your head with a smile gracing your lips. "This is good."
#shroomsroom#clara'sroom#the outsiders x reader#dallas winston x reader#dally winston x reader#sodapop curtis x reader#steve randle x reader#johnny cade x reader#darrel curtis x reader#darry curtis x reader#ponyboy x reader#pony curtis x reader#ponyboy curtis x reader#two bit matthews x reader#two bit x reader#two bit mathews x reader#sodapop x reader#soda curtis x reader
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I can no longer read Batfamily fanfiction because I am a Jason stan and cannot balance my need for all the hurt between them to be acknowledged and tense and my need for zanny fun loving Wayne family content where they are all a big family and live in the same house.
But Iâm glad it exists, that family deserves to be happy in some version of reality.
#this is my burden and I must bare it đ.#I love the we are all a big family stuff and thereâs no hurt here but also I canât stand it because there is so much hurt đ#itâs why I can only read Tim and Jason stuff because Tim is just the right amount of self hating to actually forgive his would be murderer#and Jason is just the right amount of self hating to never afmddress said would be murder directly they make perfect friends#and âsomehow they donât actually make each other worse they actually make the other better. weird đ«€#their closeness being kinda canon means so much to me. also I love the variety of nicknames for tim#throwing thoughts to the void#jason todd#the batfamily#batfamily#bat family#batfam#tim drake#batman comics#red hood#red robin#itâs why I could never really get into#wayne family adventures#even tho 16 year old me would have eaten that shit up#curse the passage of time đ
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Wanting more homoeroticism in the tension between the showâs leads as the narrative introduces greater intimacy and higher stakes between them, especially in a landscape that lacks queer representation who isnât a villain or dies within one or two episodes, but also recognizing that core values/motivation for these characters lie in their relationships with one of two major female characters in an on screen sausage fest where the only other woman is a morally reprehensible femme fatale and erasing and/or vilifying female leads in favor of conventionally attractive males is a common practice observed in fandoms thatâs rooted in misogyny and justified under the guise of rejecting heteronormativity, thinly veiled double standards, or claiming the woman is simply not interesting enough and not wanting to bolster that mindset
#the worst of evil#you know whoâs not interesting enough? haeryeon!! bibiâs acting the hell out of her and slaying while doing it#but idk anything besides sheâs willing to subvert her dad for dick and values money over everything else#and also sheâs hot which is great for me!! but also the male gaze#and I also get it - we donât know much about euijeong in her limited screen time besides her relationships to junmo/kicheol#but she is given so many traits that are silently conveyed like compassion and bravery and sacrifice#she brought a fucking gun to her date with kicheol like the conflicts and motivations here are SO JUICY#her exasperation guilt and despair with the investigation; esp after listening to the voicemails#whatâs the self respecting thing to do; do I still love my husband if he loses himself; can I continue a game I never wanted to play#at the cost of my life or my familyâs life?#even though a lot of her choices are for her marriage sheâs using whatever agency she has in her own terms#kicheol works to be an honest man and make a difference partly bc of her#not trying to place the burden of fixing men on her but ignoring her impact in the boysâ lives is wild#ship whoever you want hate whoever you want but donât deride a woman just cuz âsheâs in the wayâ ya know#all this being said; kicheol bringing junmo home after he RAMPAGED seemingly on his behalf - literally who else is doing it like them#the yearning all around - I get it now; we need gangster mob!throuple to get any shit done around here (and for all 3 to stay alive đ«Łđ)#but the reality next week is gonna be so so bitter
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#my sister keeps getting mad at me#and today it culminated with her basically listing all the ways Iâm making her life shit#and the things she listed I know Iâm a fuck up like not being able to drive#being stuck in a part time job not having many friends crying when in a confrontation#and not paying rent on time to her#but she was so mad and I was mad and crying#but she wasnât saying it cause she cared she was like you are making my life bad and itâs unfair#Iâm sorry itâs unfair Iâm trying but I know itâs not enough#and I couldnât articulate myself#actually I know sheâs right that Iâm not trying enough#l just got upset which ofc doesnât help anything#and now I ruined her day#i canât even move out cause then sheâll get mad at me for that too#I agree with her that Iâm a fuck up and donât have my shit together and itâs a terrible quality I have#of having trouble catching up on everything I just feel overwhelmed all the time#and thinking about the future makes me so depressed I feel like thereâs no point to anything#and even when I try to do something I fuck it up and donât do it right#I tried getting my driving license before but now itâs expired and Iâm back at square one#and my job rn I donât think theyâll ever give me a full time gig#I canât even explain myself now it doesnât make sense why Iâm so fucked#and itâs so hard to make friends all my old friends have moved#and behind and shit at everything#and now I know Iâm dragging everyone else with me#she was like the one person Iâm closest to and could trust but now I know Iâm just a burden to her#the thing is i know she's right about everything#I fucking hate myself so much#update: she apologized I think weâre ok now#but Iâm just wondering if it is
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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having an almost comically bad couple days so i'm microdosing on all my fixations by alternating episodes of kids in the hall, night court, h2o just add water, and conan o'brien remotes. just having a normal one
#the fun part of being the child of my alcoholic dad and junkie mother is that my form of vice is old tv shows#as i try to zone out while stone-cold sober#i had a bad day at work which was the capstone to a rough couple weeks#which is why haven't really been on here#and i'm pretty sure i can't trust my own vision or whatever because i look at things and get told i'm wrong#and then i found richard moll died so i'm not doing so great#i am so sad#i'm just so so sad and scared#all the time and i hate this so much and i hate being a burden to the person i love#and i just feel so alone and not good at anything and not good enough for anything or anyone i'm just not worth anything#it's my fault for only being able to conceptualize relationships via the familial bond#so i take my boss who is normally sweet and patient with my stupid worthless self#yelling at me as rough as you can possibly imagine#she didn't even yell at me specifically but every time she came by i flinched and any time i said something she got mad and yelled at me#i don't know i'm sorry#i just want to disappear#i'm also on my period one more cosmic corkscrew of pain
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desire to roleplay authentically when my character has traits that can come across as difficult or frustrating vs irl intense fear and terror of ever being difficult or frustrating FIGHT
#it's not... necessarily a bad thing I guess but#I did roleplay felix explaining himself in a situation where he SHOULD completely unambiguously have shut down so hard he had to leave#right in the middle of fear and guilt and shame over a combat where bad luck and abysmal roles hit his convictions that he's only a burden#'hey are we all committed to being a party or would some of us rather leave? felix?'#oh getting SINGLED OUT DIRECTLY to ANSWER for what he's perceiving in himself as SHORTCOMINGS and BAD BEHAVIOR?#oh! no! he shouldn't have been literally physically capable of responding! this is THE nightmare scenario! he should have LEFT. the BUILDING#but AUGH AUGH AUGH SCARY SCARY SCARY#and he would have taken the space to calm down and figure out what he wanted to do or say and come back before the session was over#and give some indication that Yes he's here he's in it as much as anyone#BUT [SHAKING MYSELF] HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO PLAY A CHARACTER WHO HATES EXPLAINING HIMSELF--#WHEN YOU HAVE OVERWHELMING DESPERATION TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF DISEASE!!!!#I mean at least I can talk about all of this after the session with justin which sets me/ us up better for next time#if he has a meta awareness that getting pressed like this might push felix out of the entire building--#then *I* know that *he* knows that and can maybe feel like I can actually do it without fearing the optics#it will work out! he'll come around! he's a good good boy he just doesn't know how to handle social situations constructively#THE UPSIDE IS that doing a little of 'clarifying why I keep distancing myself' led to support and validation he never expected#it just feels... too early lol#annoying. this was textbook The Thing That Overwhelms Him The Worst and I still whiffed it because of player cowardice#aaauuughh#about me#my OCs#felix
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#god i have such a migraine i Rly do not need to be dealing w my mother's bullshit tonight#yes yeah lets go on a rant abt how much u hate having me around bc im disabled and cant do things myself#and rn can barely get out of bed let alone make food for myself#so u *offered* to make me dinner and when i accepted that offer and asked for a safe food so i wouldnt set off my other health issues#u threw a Fit bc it takes more than 10 mins to make and now ur storming around huffing and puffing#and going on abt how ur apparently my slave and i take advantage of u#...whaT?#i didnt ask u to do anything. u offered. and since then i've told u 4 times to just forget it nvm i'll skip dinner#but bc u know i have severe blood sugar issues and that would be bad for me u r now claiming ur 'trapped' doing this#aight#ok#just cut the shit and tell me u think im a burden and h8 me for existing#and that ur mother was right when she said i ruined ur life by being born the way i am#im so so tired of this fucking bullshit dance u keep doing#i get it u wish i was either normal or dead#sadly i am not. but ur truly making me consider the latter option these days jfc#ughhshshsjdj#ableism#ask to tag#fr tell me and i'll tag this w w/e u need i dont wanna trigger ppl w her nonsense#im too tired to even consider all the applicable tags rn#but just lmk
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#Iâm so tired of being the way that I am dude#Iâm sensitive and fragile and emotional about fucking everything#Iâve been pulling away from my friends the past few months so that they donât have to deal with it#but now itâs just being put on my online friends#and I hate it so much#I donât know how to change#I donât know how to not get upset over so much#sometimes I feel like Iâve come far and other times I feel like I havenât made any progress at all#itâs so frustrating because it makes me so paranoid#do people dislike me because of this? are they talking about me? am I just a burden that people tolerate?#I just want to be fucking normal lol and I donât know how#Iâm too autistic and just a huge baby about everything all the time#Iâm so stressed and overwhelmed about so much lately#but I canât just keep using that as an excuse#do people just roll their eyes when I apologize because theyâre tired of it and know it will happen again?#I want to just hide away#so that people donât have to deal with me#and it sucks because Iâm not saying all this to be like woe is me please feel sorry for me please reassure me#Iâm just getting my feelings out#now is a great time for my schedule to be changing to not allow for regular therapy lol#idk man#I donât know what Iâm doing anymore
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work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha
#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF#im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently.#im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries#and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future#IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN#i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and#finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes#and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades#isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade#it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that#dictate every single fucking part of my life#and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb#ra and stats and calculus and cs#haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates#i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table#yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first#god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive#all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is#i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again#haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future#i hope i can still have time for hobbies#why si everyone at school so good at everything#ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent#i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states#my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties.#eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo#meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day#how do i become like them#why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence#i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore
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i have so much hangouts its a little exhausting its fun dwdw just ahfh one finally screwed over another event (two times) in a clash and now i feel awful
#i hate untied ends. i hate how ppl can do favors or wait for you or do smth for you but youre on a limited like favor meter#and it can take damage every second. i lost a bit of those meters tonight even if they were relating to me. i could sense it maybe.#im a burden in general so i need to make up for it as much as possible. i need to stop being so selfish all the time.#im sorry im such a bad daughter. im sorry i screwed both of these two events over in one night and you have to reschedule them#you said it was okay and the other said they had fun but i still feel so uneasy. i hate this#i hate it#i hate myself#i just need toforget tyhsi i justneed to forgethtis i just need to rmemebr this is who i am and thisis who il lalwyas willbe#vent#i didnt mean to make it a vent sorries#i was too much and too inconsiderate with people who'll probably leave me in the end.#god#imjust#everythings my fuckign fault and i cant do anything but if i take responsibility in processing every single thing ill drown ill cut myself.#self harm#and if i do then ill finally be going off the deep end permanently.
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