#all the time and i hate this so much and i hate being a burden to the person i love

[crazedear]

Joongdok (ORV) Fanfic recs

GUESS WHO'S BACK? BACK AGAIN? That's right folks, your girlie just got into another fandom that has completely taken ahold of her life and is going to be all she thinks about and hyper fixates on for the next few weeks until she once again enters a state of misery before finding smth new.

To be honest, ORV is one of those fandoms that I'd actually hate to get tired of BECAUSE ITS SO GOOD and there's still so much content for me to get thru. I'm going to be fed so well. But anyways enough of the ranting, even though if I could, I would def write a whole separate blog just ranting about ORV as a whole but yall are here for the ao3 recs and as always, I'm here to serve.

Once again I'm still on the search for more and I aim for quality, not quantity (Kind of) ALSO, I love Canon-divergence fics, so if any of you have recs, PLEASE TELL ME. ahem thank you.

Rendezvous Written by: WindsOfTime

Rated: T

Words: 39,658 (Complete - Chapters 6/6)

Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja's communication skills leave a lot to be desired, but as millennials, you'd think they'd at least remember to check their messages.

Or: a look at what canon could have been if Midday Tryst had been used more often.

Retrouvailles Written by: WindsOfTime

Rated: T

Words: 67,592 (Complete - Chapters 10/10)

Retrouvaille (French noun): 1. Reunion 2. (By extension) Retrouvailles: re-establishment of an interrupted relationship; reconciliation.

Thanks to more frequent uses of Midday Tryst during the early scenarios, Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja have grown closer. But fate was not so easily avoided.

Left alone in the wreckage of the Dark Castle, Yoo Joonghyuk must follow the trail back to his lost companion.

can't keep my hands to myself

Written by: LethalBookshelves

Rated: T

A collection of 3 different works all one-shots. All of them are super cute and entertaining to read. The three works are a continuation of each other, but you can totally read it as separate one-shots. Words in total: 12,497 Taking Action to Contain a Hopeless Squid

Written by: gayboy_advance

Rated: G Words: 1,235 (One-shot)

It started out innocent—just some minor actions to ensure the slippery man’s safety. Yoo Joonghyuk made sure to check on Kim Dokja every time before going to bed, specifically when the other was already sleeping soundly. He figured it would be less explaining if caught, as well as less likely that the man would up and leave once he had actually taken the time to fall asleep. Unfortunate or not, it was not enough to settle his worries as time progressed.

Or: Yoo Joonghyuk is anxious about Kim Dokja wandering off and accidentally killing himself at night. His solution? Sleep in Kim Dokja's bed.

unbroken faith

Written by: xinrin Rated: G Words: 1,159 (One-shot)

Not even the pain of regressing could rival the stagnation that comes with indefinite waiting. Yoo Joonghyuk lives as if his life is on pause, yet despite his resignation, he does not let go of his faith in the absurd, even as his weary grip begins to cramp and seize with the burden of time.

Kim Dokja dies again, and Yoo Joonghyuk only has one coping mechanism.

kiss me tender, kiss me sweet Written by: fusionboltstrike

Rated: G

Words: 1,011 (One-shot)

“I thought you wanted me to let go,” Jonghyuk murmurs, in between kisses. Kim Dokja lets out a dry chuckle.

“And you’d listen to me?” He turns his head to hide his face in the crook of Jonghyuk’s neck, his eyes falling shut.

“I suppose not.”

A Face He Can't Remember

Written by: ebon_iris

Rated: T

Words: 5,753 (One-shot) When Yoo Joonghyuk first hears Kim Dokja being called the "Ugliest King", it barely registers—just another ridiculous title in a world full of them. It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t. And yet, later, when he tries to picture Kim Dokja’s face, he realises he can’t. The details slip through his grasp, frustratingly vague. It irritates him, but he dismisses it.

[JoongDok Compilation #51 (1 Hour Special)] by UriUri9158

Written by: MioChiin Rated: T

Words: 4,159 (One-shot)

[DKOS_9158]: Go back to the room at the end of the corridor, you probably missed the item there.  [DKOS_9158]: Why did you even kill every monster? The drops are bad and they barely give exp anyway.  [DKOS_9158]: Don't just skip through the notes, they contain important lore.  [DKOS_9158]: Stop ignoring me, you stupid Sunfish.  “Shut up or I will ban you.” [DKOS_9158]: If you want to be stuck for another hour, be my guest.

Kim Dokja never fails to leave his unnecessary comments during Yoo Joonghyuk's streams. Yoo Joonghyuk is only mildly annoyed.

At least the chat loves him.

The 73rd Demon King Just Wants To Tend His Garden

Written by: Nixelthispy, Sailor_of_Lost_Seas

Rated: T

Words: 13,858 (Ongoing - Chapters 12/?) Kim Dokja is a regular guy who gets isekaid into a world full of Kings, Demons, and one Cold Duke of the North. He bests everyone in a competition to be the 73rd Demon King. There is a prophecy. Happenings happen. Things go to shit. Dokja just wants to tend a garden in peace (but also save everyone).

Where You Go, I Go (and None Shall Come Between Us)

Written by: Anonymous

Rated: G Words: 3,781 (One-shot)

It was a Universal known fact—everyone has a soulmate, the connection always romantic.

So why was it then, that Kim Dokja was born with no marks on his skin?

Or,

ORV but gayer and everyone has a soulmate. Except Kim Dokja. Somehow.

We Are Not Dating

Written by: ebon_iris

Rated: T

Words: 10,559 (Ongoing- Chapters 7/13)

Yoo Joonghyuk is not dating Kim Dokja.

Sure, they spend most of their free time together. Sure, Kim Dokja has a habit of stealing his food, adjusting his scarf, and lingering in his space like he belongs there. Sure, their friends keep exchanging looks whenever they interact.

But they are not dating.

a hundred longings fill my soul, a thousand yearnings throng my heart

Written by: aynchent

Rated: T

Words: 31,654 (Complete - Chapters 6/6)

Kim Dokja likes Yoo Joonghyuk. Yoo Joonghyuk likes someone else. This is okay.

(It's not.)

Donut Hole

Written by: NurikoEsuki

Rated: T

Words: 64,845 (Ongoing - Chapters 15/?)

Kim Daeyoon and Yoo Jaehyun of the highly (in)famous webnovel, ‘SSSSS-grade Regressor,’ are supposed to hate each other. After all, one is the OP, Gary Stu, male fantasy-coded cold-blooded protagonist with so many cool moments; while the other is just the much less developed, typical isekai viewpoint character.

Yet, due to (unintentional?) chemistry from their actors Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk, the duo gains an unexpected shippers following.

Professor Kim's Wife 

Written By: threecrossings

Rated: T

Words: 20,280 (Ongoing - Chapters 8/?)

Exploring the effect of Professor Kim's Wife on the minds of impressionable undergraduates: A longitudinal case study

ways to confess to your crush

Written by: tls123

Rated: G

Words: 7,961 (One-shot)

"You know," she drawled, "That guy in the story is the kind of lead Kim Dokja likes."

a guide to wooing kim dokja: written by han sooyoung, for yoo joonghyuk.

drowning sun & crashing waves

Written by: heartsent

Rated: T

Words: 7,846 (One-shot)

I missed you so much and it hurt because you were still someone I could reach with my hands and yet you felt so far away.

Kim Dokja tries to find acceptance years after his fall out with Yoo Joonghyuk. He does it in the way he knows best: writing.

I don't usually write a review or my own thoughts in a fic list, but holy crap this one is angstyyyy. It's not necessarily intense, but Kim Dokja's perspective and experience with love hit so close to home. Beautifully written and just so personal it will dig into your soul. Just putting this out there since I know a lot of people don't necessarily enjoy reading angst, especially ones that have a sad or bittersweet ending. This note is for you all! ;P

──── ⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆ ────

[vcaart]

YOU 🫵🫵🫵

YOU GET IT

I was definitely torn at first giving Kaito honesty, but out of the main characters all of them have lied in some sense. And honestly I was tempted to give Shuichi honesty because because he lied in the trials to get it the truth- BUT I feel like that's shallow compared to somebody like Kaito.

Kaito preaches telling the truth and (I'll say arguably cause I haven't played v3 in a hot minute I'm replayed the gd rn) hates lies, but then he turns around and lies himself in order to keep up his image as the “hero." Like you beautifully put, not letting the image of him be pulled down by the reality of him. "Honesty," while most people think it's telling the truth, is rather a feeling other than fact. Shuichi, pursues the truth, Kaito, pursues honesty. The expression of one's sincerest thoughts and feelings, and if we're going to throw truth into it, the expression of what you believe is true.

Kaito doesn't pursue "truth," not like Shuichi does in trials, he pursues *honesty.* It's why he trusted Gonta so much, and why he distrusted Kokichi even more.Kaito *honestly* believed himself to be the hero, and heroes don't stay down when they fall. That paired with his stubborn nature was bound for him to illness, because in his heart he believed that that wasn't a burden to share.

Truth isn't objective, it's the facts. Undebatable. (Of course, what we think is true isn't always the truth. Which also has to do with V3's themes but that's a discussion for another time.) Honesty, however, isn't fact. It isn't truth. It's emotion rather than logic.

Applejack is as stubborn as they come, and if I'm not mistaken (also rewatching MLP, it's been a hot minute), also lied under certain circumstances (not counting Discord switching their personalities despair disease style). And she *still* represents honesty, and not only because her friends help her improve.

Kaito, or rather Starry Belief in this case, has so much more character development and story potential as the element of honesty. I could've made him loyalty, that'd check out with everybody I'm sure. But his loyalty isn't derived from simply being a loyal friend. It's because he honestly believes in his friends, and trusts them to be honest with him as well.

I can also just say I wanted him to have his parallel with Kokichi. Love me some oumota.

Starry Belief, Luminary of the Stars!!! Even crying foals adore this pony!

(More on Starry Belief below! Some of it isn't "scientifically accurate" but I'm using the excuse that it's fiction so shhhh):

Starry Belief, whether or not you want to believe it's true, is the first pony to ever reach space! Well, almost reached it. He was only up there for a moment before he fell back down. Ever since then he's been determined to reach space! He may be stubborn and bull-headed, but he is always willing to lend a helping hoof to creatures in need. His grandparents taught him better than that!

Starry was an only foal, and while he did have two loving parents they unfortunately passed away in an accident when he was a young foal. This left him to be taken in by his caring and kind grandparents who lived on a quiet farm. While Starry loved his grandparents just as much as the next foal, he refused to believe his parents were actually gone and flew away.

While he had always been a strong flier, he had greatly underestimated to how strong he truly was. He flew up, and up, until he was far above the clouds and Equestria below. The young foal was determined to find his parents, and flew higher and faster than any other pony ever had.

He only caught a glimpse of space, a glimpse of what lied beyond their world, before he came crashing back down to earth. He was sure lucky his grandparents caught him before he gained too much momentum while falling! His back now covered in what looked like a galaxy spilled over him and his cutie mark bright on his flank!

Ever since then, he's been determined to reach space again! Safely this time, of course. So he would spend nights studying, and during the days he wasn't completely exhausted from all-nighters he made plenty of friends with the other colts his age! Unfortunately, when his grandparents began to grow more weak with old age, he spent less and less time with his friends to help take care of them.

It didn't take long for his grandparents to step in and sign him up for the newly opened Hope's Peak Academy of Friendship, not willing to let him tie himself down to care for them. While Starry initially protested, his grandparent's equally stubborn nature won him over and he finally left for the academy with the reassurance they'd be okay.

Starry Belief was the first pony to stand up to the bear threatening to take their cutie marks, and he will continue fighting to keep the Elements of Harmony safe while keeping their cutie marks! It didn't matter if it seemed like it was impossible to have both, the impossible is possible! And all they have to do is make it so!

In the final standoff between the class and the power hungry now alicorns, Hazy Light ,with the help of his friends, bring the Elements of Harmony together to end things once and for all.

Starry Belief is given the Element of Honesty!

The lineup so far! If you couldn't tell, Wild Card's colors have been very minorly changed and H0-P3's height has been fixed! Since I've posted Sanguine, there have been no new *finished* additions to cast, but I am working on some new ponies!

[auguryofjellyfish]

wada essay time!! (warning, it's super long.)

i've been thinking a lot about wada and hiroaki's relationship lately. specifically, the way wada expresses physical and verbal affection towards him, because it's different from how he acted towards anyone he's been close to so far. it's super interesting to me, so i wanted to analyze and speculate about it. before i get to that, i want go to through the other major relationships wada's had for comparison, starting with...

wada and tsuno.

tsuno was very generous with showing affection towards wada, often taking him into her arms at the slightest hint of upset, or saying that she loves him out of the blue and then moving on like it was nothing. but wada didn't really return her gestures, or initiate any, so for the longest time i was confused on how he felt about her. in [audio visual experience], when she called him her little brother, he said "you're still running with that?", thinking it's just been a bit. he was keeping her at arm's length, but he still clearly liked and trusted her so... there could be a few possible explanations for that.

some time ago, i said that wada seems like he doesn't really trust words. he looks at people's actions and behaviour, and he believes his own conclusions over what people say. tsuno frequently put up a front around wada, acting way too upbeat during dire situations or hiding when she was upset. she didn't want to burden him with her problems, but it does signal a lack of trust in him and his capabilities to support her back. and wada saw that. he knew that she was stressed and overworked, and that he added to that stress by being constantly sick and breaking down and generally needing a lot of care. but if she's always denying it whenever he brings it up, offering endless reassurances instead, even though those don't really work on him and he knows better... how is he supposed to fully trust her? to truly feel like he stands on level ground with her? so, maybe when he heard tsuno say that she loved him, that he's her little brother, it registered, but he didn't let himself take it to heart. 'maybe she's just saying that, like all these other things. saying what he wants to hear.' and, if she doesn't want his support, to rely on him, then maybe she wouldn't want anything else he has to offer either. wada likes to be of use to people he loves/trusts/is grateful to- so being denied a chance to helpful, being basically deemed in some way 'insufficient' for the task when he was 'taking' so much from tsuno, made him feel even more like a burden.

another possible reason: tsuno was an overwhelmingly kind person, helping others was her main purpose in life. she was a self-proclaimed superhero! so, why would wada believe that he was special to her just because she was kind and warm to him? that's just who she was. that was just a part of the job she took upon herself. so if he let himself be affectionate back, and it turned out that she was only being nice and helpful because that's who she is and not because she cares about him as a person specifically...hhhh...ouch. he's already been way too vulnerable with her. wada's parents hated him, he has been mistreated and unwanted his whole life. pure speculation now, but he might have been burned before, maybe in his foster families or elsewhere, when people made him feel that maybe that was finally it, until inevitably something went wrong. and so now he doesn't let himself get his hopes up without being very sure.

it kinda seems like i'm making wada out to be so distrusting of tsuno, which is not true. wada was audibly comfortable and happy whenever he was with her. wada knew tsuno wanted the best for him because of everything she did, and he was very grateful towards her. by now, i know that he loved her, he just wasn't expressing it very openly like she was.

it's just, the disconnect between tsuno's behaviour and reality, and her refusal to give wada a chance to support her created distance between them. all these factors were muddying the waters and causing him to let his walls down at a snail's pace.

the only time it was different was in the last moments they spend together, during chap 3's investigation. tsuno's manner was noticeably dimmer than usual. first, wada tried to cheer her up by talking about silly topics, like learning to play tuba. finally, he asked her if she was okay. and just because she was vulnerable, he finally had an opportunity to offer support- to be there for her in her grief. she didn't put up a front this time, she treated him as an equal, and was honest. and so, when she said she loved him, he said it back.

i think if tsuno had lived, and started being more real with wada, he might have began feeling more comfortable with expressing affection openly, but...i'm still glad she got to hear that from him, just once.

wada and isono.

isono is tricky, because they spend very little time being real friends, but how he acted towards her parasocially says a LOT about how he acts towards people he loves and admires. even though she was only one of multiple streamers wada watched and supported, she was still incredibly important to him. he had been watching her for long enough for a deep emotional connection to form regardless of whether he knew who she truly was. and, it was very real to him, even though it was one sided.

before the KG, she was his lifeline. although he had no one in his life, through her and other streamers, he felt genuinely cared for. this next part is going to be more speculative... there weren't many reasons for wada to get out of bed, but, whenever isono asked her viewers to take care of themselves, maybe he found it a bit more doable, like it was worth it. and he couldn't really let her down now after she said that, could he? through her, maybe...he found the strength to face another day. again, and again.

he had nothing to offer, but he needed to show his gratitude somehow. well...all he had was the meager amount of money he earned, so, he could support her and others with that. he didn't have a steady or large paycheck, and this money could really be put to a better use, something to truly improve his life, but that didn't matter- the streamers kept him going, they were the only ones he had, really. when they gave him so much, he had to give back, even if he was left with nothing.

presently, she's still the one wada has the deepest emotional connection with. so much so that even after tsuno dies, he still goes to talk primarily to isono's ghost. he feels like he can share everything with her without reservations, as if out of everyone, she was the one that truly cared for and understood him.

before she died, he didn't have many opportunities nor time to open up to her and show her affection, but still, they seemed like they were on the fast track to becoming great friends. isono loved to tease him and play harmless pranks, and she cared about him. they also had a few moments together as a comedic duo. and wada got to meet her, to talk to her, to get to truly know her... it must have been anxiety inducing but, in some way, also a dream come true.

isono's still the most important person to him. there's no comparison. and yet...

wada and hiroaki.

now this. this pair has been driving me crazy since chap 4. even though wada is not nearly as emotionally close with hiroaki as he still is with isono, the way he's acting with him is different than the way he's been with anyone else. after months of me being confused about how wada felt about tsuno cause he's been so closed off, with hiroaki i have zero doubts in my mind that he straight up adores him. it's bewildering.

physical affection. with hiroaki, wada initiated hugs on his own! i don't remember him ever being the one to do that with tsuno, she always had to beckon him towards her. but with hiroaki, he did that two times, completely unselfconsciously, despite hiroaki's protests, just because he wanted to. i didn't think much of it at first because what hiroaki did for him, giving him clothes + a haircut, was so significant that it warranted a big show of gratitude, but taking everything else into account? that was still unusual for wada.

wada's also been very verbally affectionate when the right opportunity presented itself. he's been calling hiroaki nagawa very consistently, but everyone's been calling him that so it's kinda nbd. however, last week's "we love you nagawa!" was like...what? i'm?? months ago i would never ever have guessed that wada would become hiroaki's biggest supporter after ojima. he was so happy at hiroaki making progress, he was almost giddy, and he said that like it was nothing! that sounded like something a fan would shout at their idol to cheer them on, so i had a thought that maybe wada's been feeling a little like hiroaki's something like his oshi. but then he said he was proud of him, and then repeated it again for emphasis. you don't say that to someone when you place yourself below them, you say that to an equal, (although i'm still holding onto the oshi thing). they're both flawed individuals who have difficulties with self-worth and expressing themselves, and who they want to be. hiroaki has very visible problems and weaknesses, he's been struggling hard with changing and growing as a person, and wada can heavily relate to that.

with hiroaki, he's not scared or reluctant of showing affection when he truly feels like it. he just does it. he loved tsuno, but he never was like that with her, so... i just wondered what made the difference.

wada and hiroaki didn't have much of a relationship for the first two chapters, at least on wada's side. he thought hiroaki was a loudmouth and a jerk, as did most other people. also he was lowkey scared of him due to the sketches hiroaki had made of him. that changed in [formentia] when wada watched hiroaki calm hama down from an anxiety attack. that was the first time he truly saw hiroaki's kind side. realizing that there was a lot more to him than meets the eye, he started calling him by his first name from that point on. another scene that was significant for them happened in [the other room], when ojima took wada away from okazaki and tsuno's fight and placed him in the room with hiroaki. despite his pretense of not being concerned, hiroaki offered him reassurance, and they had a nice conversation where they learned more about each other and bonded a little as fellow creatives.

this is a good place to mention that hiroaki also really likes wada, to the point where he doesn't bother denying it anymore. he had been hard at work on a gift for him for two weeks, and the conversations they had in chap 3 made him even more fond of him. so when wada came into the dining hall in [salvage], acting pissed off and shooting hiroaki down for no reason, when he had been nothing but demure and friendly with him so far? it hurt. really hurt, cause he didn't expect that from wada. hiroaki wasn't even being particularly hostile, he was just making a few dumb comments that wada normally wouldn't really react to. he was just being himself, which wada seemed to be accepting of... up until that point. so, in response to what was essentially a jab to the shoulder, hiroaki went straight for the jugular.

after that wada was back to being anxious around hiroaki, even becoming openly hostile and resentful towards him following tsuno's passing. and then it seemed like that was that- their tentative friendship was over... until [grieving process].

tsuno's death was the hardest moment wada's experienced thus far. after the trial, he was just crashing in his room. and here comes hiroaki, respecting wada's coping mechanism despite deriding it before, and making an effort to be vulnerable in front of him. and then... he gave him new custom clothes he had sewn himself, wanting nothing in return.

hiroaki put in hours upon hours of thought, effort and work in order to create something wonderful just for wada, which he didn't have to do at all. but he did, because he wanted to, because he felt wada was worth it. and then, he gave it to him in his darkest hour, to uplift him and give him strength. and so... wada now knows for sure that, no matter what, the person who reached out to him right then with the most thoughtful gesture he's experienced in his life, cannot be anything but kind at his core.

wada relaxes. his body feels lighter than it ever has. without a shred of selfconsciousness, he steps forward and gently wraps his arms around hiroaki. he feels safe. he doesn't pay hiroaki's words and tone any mind. he sees beyond them, and he understands now. he sees him.

that moment was beyond monumental. wada didn't have to do anything to "earn" this, or even ask for it. hiroaki just went completely out of his way, doing something completely selfless, and he didn't do that for anyone else but wada. this gesture was so big, so full of effort and time, so much kindness, specifically for him, it made wada lower down his walls in an instant.

i have no doubt that this made wada feel very special and loved.

it also helped that he definitely likes hiroaki as a person. he doesn't trust him 100%, he still prefers to speak his thoughts to empty air, but he can trust that hiroaki truly likes and cares about him, and that if he hurts him, it's never on purpose.

that. that one thing, hiroaki going above and beyond when he didn't have to, when it was completely unexpected, only for him, was what i think made wada trust him much faster than tsuno. categorizing these relationships, i would put hiroaki closer to isono than to her, which is???? remarkable to me when he knew isono for far longer. don't get me wrong- he LOVES tsuno. i'm not saying that hiroaki's closer to him than her or that wada holds him in higher regard. it's just...different. i'm holding off with the L word for now, even though he said it himself, but still. wada really really likes hiroaki a lot. cannot overstate that enough. despite me trying hard to understand why, it still astonishes me that wada wants to and feels like he can express his affection and support this openly and easily towards anyone. it's incredible. hiroaki didn't want any payment from him, so he just...offers his words and gestures instead. and hiroaki has been so protective of wada it's crystal clear to everyone too, like, tamba saying he dotes on him?? i think a lot of that protectiveness came from tsuno's death, but he's definitely truly fond of wada as a person too.

maybe if wada manages to willingly open up to hiroaki, then i will be able to say with certainty that he loves him.

for the end, i want to talk about [quick check] because it's been driving me bonkers. it's such a weird episode.

in it, wada comes across hiroaki, who checks up on him. and wada, eh...he doesn't really want to elaborate on his mental or overall state, but it seems like he still REALLY wants to have a low-stakes conversation with him. then he asks hiroaki a bunch of questions, which is amazing because he hardly ever asks anyone anything. he's trying really hard here. now this i know is a reach, but when he said like "omg i forgot, ken's waiting for me in my room, i just came here for water"....to me, it sounded a little like he wanted hiroaki to stop him?? to say something like "you're hanging out with hasezawa? that boring old nerd? no way, hang out here with me!" i have nothing to support that claim, it's just funny. but either way, what i'm sure of, just like his every other question, it was meant to act as a springboard for eliciting a sort of response from hiroaki that would get things rolling. buut, instead, all that wada gets are monosyllabic and dry answers...which is sad. at the end, he still waits a few seconds in silence to see whether hiroaki would engage him on his own, but nope. he just wasn't in the mood.

i might be misinterpreting it, but it would make sense with how much wada likes hiroaki. either way, it felt weird as hell... there's just something about it. if this episode turns out to be not in any way relevant to the plot later on i'll eat my hat.

[disguisedlurker]

Vi-Jinx, timebomb Reunion possibilities?

When I tell you that MV brought everything back full force, it really did. After watching the end of s2e9 again, I wanna kind of talk about the struggle I have both narratively and emotionally (lol) on a possible reunion in the future.

I think we all know Jinx is alive, so need to cover that, but she left mainly because of her inner conflict, even though the political situation of Zaun and Piltover is also something to consider.

This is why she doesn’t tell anyone she’s leaving, because she still believes she’s a ‘curse’, because there really isn’t a good reason she couldn’t let Vi and Ekko know before going off if anything else was the case.

Of course I’m excited to see what Jinx has in store for her in the future. With where her character is at now, you’d figure that in some future series it would show here figuring out who she is now, and what she wants in life. Have her start to believe she can get close to people without hurting them, so it will be definitely touching and great.

After this character arc, I start thinking about the possibility of there being a reunion. Before recently I tried (and failed) to made peace with the idea that Jinx, Ekko, and, Vi may never be on the same screen again.

There were many themes at the end of the show that made me believe this: “breaking the cycle” (of Jinx and Vi hurting each other), “walking away”, “to take a leap foward, means leaving a few things behind.”

It’s true that maybe what Jinx needs to be happy is to take that leap and leave Zaun behind for good, as in accordance with the shows themes. But then I think about if after she did complete this new character arc wouldn’t that still mean, somewhere deep inside, she believe that she is still a jinx if she never went back to at least tell her loved ones she’s alive.

I mean poor Vi. I was surprised she actually managed to crack a smile and give Cait that line about being the dirt under her nails, not that I blame her for being happy, of course, and maybe that also indicates that she’s allowed herself to be free of the constant burden she’s always putting on her shoulders which maybe undermines this point, but when I watched it again I was thinking how much Vi was gonna hate herself for what happened, and not listening to Jinx to jump to the other ledge (not that I blame her for that either, cause she’s always gonna try and reach her loved one, even crazy werewolf hybrids)

And Ekko too, who after years at each other’s throats, going to whole AU to understand her better, watching her kill herself like 4 times in front him, and helping her heal a little, has to go through losing her again.

It would be a good way to give some closure. Vi and Ekko knowing she’s alive and trying to live her life happily would be a huge relief for them, and they would be so happy and proud.

Jinx proving that she’s forgiven herself, showing that she doesn’t think she’s a curse to any of her loved ones by telling those close to her that’s she’s alive.

Of course both my Vi-Jinx, and timebomb heart hope they can stay together forever, but I think there’s a few things that get in the way.

Can she even really come back? Would Piltover grant her amnesty for saving them? I honestly don’t know. Vi would never leave for obvious reasons, nor would Jinx want her to. The only way I see Ekko leaving is if Zaun is in pretty good shape, but even then I don’t think he would leave the place he poured so much of his love and blood into.

Most importantly is Jinx just happier somewhere else.

So now I’m not sure how I think. The MV gave me hope for timebomb and the sisters because it felt so hopeful, and makes me think there can be a future together for all of them.

But thematically and practically then themes of: “breaking the cycle, “taking a leap forward”, the Piltover v. Zaun political situation, and maybe Jinx’s finding a home elsewhere, prevent any permanent reuniting.

[itspileofgoodthings]

ALSO I am learning how to teach very introverted students, something my natural skillset as a teacher does not help me with.

[gay--dog]

it sucks that so many mental illnesses cause things that result in losing weight. im already suffering enough & youre also gonna make me fucking skinny? do you hate me or something? where is my tummy. i hope you die.

[ahollowgrave]

OK SO THE THING IS -- (Its DT spoilers all the way down folks.)

I've talked about Odette and Sphene and The Endless and Living Memory and the Use of Souls before so I'll try not to repeat myself too much. (<- Lying.)

But when we first meet Endless Sphene, Odette is SO curious. She clocks that woman isn't Alive (TM) right away and it's always a little !! when you meet someone who might be like you. You know? That first bit, Odette is so intrigued and welcoming and naive. She's never been the head of a country before, you know? And yeah maybe there is alarm bells, so to speak, at the back of her mind but those are so easy to ignore when you are Lonely in a Very Particular Way.

This doesn't last long !! Honestly, the second regulators and their (their main I suppose) purpose are introduced a wall goes up. Gone are all those warm and curious feelings and whats left is a growing dread.

This is where Odette and Wuk bet heads for the first time. Any other plot and Odette would agree, they should just!! Keep being nice. It's just their way of life, etc etc etc. But this is wrong. This is perverted, this is corrupted, this is aberrant, this is harmful. It needs to be stop.

And it just gets worse from there.

A lot of Prudence covering for Odette. Holding her back like a trembling, neurotic chihuahua from savaging any ankle she can reach. When they defeat Endless Sphene she is simply!!! Sad!!! It's a sad all around!!!

And then.... she's....... back and not dead and actually even more off-putting. And people don't seem toooooo remember??? that she??? died??? Like for real??? We had a whole funeral, Odette had to hold everyone's hand through the funeral rites!!!

AND THEN....... 7.2....

MAN. She's alive, she's been asleep 400 years and the world moved on without -- except it didn't. It had a... version of her. A version she cannot possibly live up too. And 400 years is so long. Idk idk. She's not a living-dead girl but she's close, you know? So again, that sense of "oh you're like me (again)" but it's all a bit tainted now, you know?

They share a feeling of "I am out of step with the world around me and yet I must do my best to keep up."

At first Odette cannot help but stare, she is having a lot of emotions at once, she looks like she's gonna vomit all the time. (Partly because S9 just does that to her but also because... Sphene.) And MAN imagine being Sphene, you've got so much going on an also this weird nun won't stop staring at you. Sphene thinks Odette hates her for a while but eventually...

The coffee scene. I know some people thought it was silly and maybe it was, but that first moment where Odette and Sphene are sitting alone just talking. :pacha: That's when shit settles for them, that's when Odette becomes Sphene's comfort. Where Sphene realizes "Oh, she doesn't hate me..."

Idk idk idk! Odette is slow to build of romantic feelings but at the very least she feels for Sphene. She understands some of the uncomfortableness of Sphene's position, and maybe she can't understand the weight of a crown but she knows the burden of Duty. She is an empathic creature -- how could Death not be? -- she wants Sphene to know she isn't alone, that Odette will help in anyway she can.

ough. anyway... this is very much a ramble but man...

But Pigeon, I hear you cry, what about Odette and Prudence!?

omg first of all thank you for you question!!! This isn't about them.

(But also they are never actually like A Couple they are a very complicated strangers to coworkers to lovers to ????. Prudence tends to be in a lot of off again/on again relationships! Odette is one of the more painful ones, for sure.)

As much as Prudence loves/is obsessed with Odette, she's not a very... good at expressing herself. She's not good at relationships, she's not good at a lot of things. She is insanely jealous of Sphene and Odette - be it endless sphene or evil sphene or living sphene. She wants to be the one on Odette's mind she wants to be the one making Odette look like that. Alas !! She'll be ok.

genuinely abuzz with ideas about sphene and odette but also gotta............ wait a bit.......... see what happens...... you know?

[dramarants]

Wanting more homoeroticism in the tension between the show’s leads as the narrative introduces greater intimacy and higher stakes between them, especially in a landscape that lacks queer representation who isn’t a villain or dies within one or two episodes, but also recognizing that core values/motivation for these characters lie in their relationships with one of two major female characters in an on screen sausage fest where the only other woman is a morally reprehensible femme fatale and erasing and/or vilifying female leads in favor of conventionally attractive males is a common practice observed in fandoms that’s rooted in misogyny and justified under the guise of rejecting heteronormativity, thinly veiled double standards, or claiming the woman is simply not interesting enough and not wanting to bolster that mindset

[onawhimsicot]

it would be so niche and i dont even know what id put in it, but ive finally finished listening to the blazing babe arc of naddpod + the short rests and im so tempted to like write the most terrible romance between mavrus and mac. i just think they could be even more worse for each other, their friendship is so toxic in canon and their romance would be even more so and thats why they should kiss about it imho peace and love on planet earth <333

[scrambledjenny]

Depression, dysphoria, and dysmorphia is going hard tonight.

[team--charlotte]

having an almost comically bad couple days so i'm microdosing on all my fixations by alternating episodes of kids in the hall, night court, h2o just add water, and conan o'brien remotes. just having a normal one

[thewanderingace]

I just found a section on my new job's scheduling app (who knew such a thing existed!) where I can set my preferred availability!? They didn't tell me about that! So I set it up so I'm unavailable/prefer not to work every other weekend. Along with the Tuesdays and Thursdays I cannot work. This way I can pick up a shift those weekends if I want to but I could avoid working every single weekend AND it leaves my WWII reenactment weekends available and I'd only need to put in time off requests for the fridays before. I HOPE THIS WORKS AND THAT I DID IT RIGHT AND IT WON'T UPSET MY NEW BOSSES! I'm still gonna work weekends just hopefully every other one and not every single one.

[mouthofthewolf-eyesofthelamb]

.

[too-much-boobus]

THIS IS NOT FUNNY GUYS how to become hot enough to justify being so so selfish how to not die AHGHHH AGHGGHHH I HATE HOMOSEXUALITY I HATE GAY PEOPLE AGGHHGGH literally my only weakness. can u imagine my power if i werent gay. i would die meaningless and alone but at least id know id been perfect by everyone else. i was not built for this i was built to be worshipped and yet here i am GROVELING like a PATHETIC FAGGOT because im WANTING SOMETHING which lends myself to VULNERABILITY AND GIVES THE POWER TO DESTROY ME TO SOMEONE ELSE. and WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. KILL MYSELF?1?1!1??1? maybe the problem is having self esteem. id say maybe its ok to be this pathetic as long as it makes them love me but it DOESNT EVEN. ITS ANNOYING AND BURDENSOME. i have to suppress myself if i want any of them at all. FUCK MY BAKA LIFE.and im GRATEFUL for this much but i cant help wanting more to the point the need and denial is interfering with my ability to enjoy anything. maybe buddha was right.........

holy shit i just reached the tag limit. anyways im gonna go take a fat shit and pray to god for a system reset soon plzplzplzplz i neeeed it i neeeed to reforge my identity from a depersonalized perspective chat come on its BEEN SO LONG what do i need to do.. ITS NOT MY FAULT NO ONES BEEN TRAUMATIZING ME LATELY come on now:/ i guess thats a good thing but i didnt know i was gonna turn into such a pissbaby afterward 😭 i hate the concept of regression how about im on top of it forever how about i never feel my emotions and never act my age THIS IS TOO SCARY IM SO BAD AT IT AHGHHHHH i will persevere. i just pictured a locked in chad face as a representation of myself and all my mortal complications have been quelled. Get back to work everypony crash out OVER. 😐🧏

#globs #♡